When friendship is betrayed

[stellinacadente]

I feel so overwhelmed by the follwing, i wanted to share it with all of you... for your future reference and to check if my views are completely out of this world...

I am a single mom of a beautiful 4 years old little girl. Her father is the reason why we are here in the US althought he has never paid anychild support (long story short, for many reasons, he can't).

We were invited to move where we live now to be close to him and his "fiancee" and we did last february.

They told me we could stay with them for a little contribution for the bills.

Well, turns out they didn't quite make it till the end of the month without much more then just a little help and I didn't mind because she had shown her self to be a lovely person who loved my daughter just like her own and was working hard to survive.

When I finally (took for ever) got a decent paying job in my field, I told her I would pay her full rent ($716/mo) for a couple fo months so that she could get caught up on her financial swamp...

that was back in June (at that point, my contributions towards any expenses they couldn't afford was up to $1500 in 4 months)

Now my decent paying job is ending (contract) and I will probably have at least 2 weeks of cash flow interruption...

My little girl has been going to a very crappy childcare (they just sit her infront of TV all day.. teachers talking on their cells all the time etc.) and I have been wanting to move her to a Montessori school for the longest time... but Montessori schools have very long waiting lists...

it just happened that a couple of weeks ago I called one of these school in the area where I am planning to move... and they had a spot available...

Outrageous fees to register my daguhter, but i said to myself... what the heck do I work for???

well apparently I work to send my ex husband and his fiancee on a sci-fi convenction in Atalnta,GA because when i told her that I wasn't available to give any money this month, she went ballistic and she demanded that I give it to her...

she had the face to tell me in an email:


"Your car is important, <My daughter's name> education is important, and so is your commitment to me.  I will do anything I can to help you & Caity, but you know that can't be financially - I don't have it to give. 

(...)

I'm sorry you don't believe the money is for bills; you are welcome to write a check directly to the apartment complex or any of the other bill collectors if you don't believe you can trust me.  <Sci-fi convention> costs are minimal because of the area I work in takes care of the huge expense of food.  Someone from <resturant name> is going & helping with the room & gas.  My budget is very small - less than half of yours.  It doesn't take much to throw it out of whack.   Believe what you will but the small amount it will take for this trip is stretching my limits, but I have obligations there & must go.  Will I have fun?  Probably for a couple of hours & I won't apologize for that.  I have worked my tail off this past year & deserve a couple of days.  You do too & I will do what I can to give them to you in Sept (I have a couple of weekends off from BN & planned on taking at least 1 off from SF so can take <my daughter's name>the whole weekend).

I love you both and want everything to work out for all of us.  I can take Caity in o school tomorrow if you want."

and consequently, I have lost the spot in the Montessori school for my daughter...

now I know there are big sad stories out there that deserve much more attention...

I just wanted to share it because...as a single mom, I feel betrayed: she really had me fooled because I needed a friend so bad...

but maybe I am wrong...

[Bruder Cuzzen]

Oh dear , I don't know what to say , some folks have the oddest placement of priorities .

So you are there with the father of your child , who should be supporting his family and looking after the welfare of his only child .

His girlfriend is demanding money from you and they are going to spend the money meant for bills on some nerdy convention .

I wonder if some people are born ignorant .

[Opsa]

Well, we're all born failry clueless. It's just that some of us stay that way.

You, Stella, have the experience of parental responsibility, which unfortunately, your beautiful child's father has chosen to ignore. Holy carp, this is so like how it was with my first husband. We were having trouble scraping together our rent and he decided to divert $50. to pay our way onto a yacht party. A yacht party! He felt it would give us good connections. What a ruse. He just wanted to party with a buncha coke-heads. That was the end of that marriage.

I'm glad you don't have to figure out how to get the money for a divorce, anyway.

People who do not have children have absolutely no idea how  completely they occupy your heart, mind and budget. How this girl decided that she deserved a break more than you can only be described as embarassingly ignorant. She is no friend of yours and never has been! You owe her nothing!

You need to get out of there as soon as it can possibly be arranged. Are there any family members or friends that can offer you two a free bedroom while you get serious work? School can be sorted out from there. I don't know where you are, but in the U.S. there are fairly good Head Start programs with the public schools. They are not as glamorous as expensive private schools, but ya know what? It's all up to you to give your kid the extra wonderfulness, anyway. My kid is in public schools and while it is mundane, I take her to musuems and talk to her about The Great Everything and she got herself into the Gifted and Talented program completely without any pushing from me. Furthermore, I know many people who go to expensive private schools around here who are the most boring people on Earth!

So- get out from under those users you mistook for pals and find another place to stay temporarily until you can nab that permanant position and your own apartment. If you have no job, you don't need Daycare right now anyway. Take it one step at a time. Keep your mind on your goals. Stay in touch here for morale support. You can do it. I know you can.

[Sibling Zono (anon1mat0)]

I'm really sorry and I wish I could help somehow. 

I understand your concerns about education, I have been fortunate with my son on public schools so far but then again I did my homework regarding schools when we bought our apartment.

I agree with Opas and BC, these persons are not your friends and you owe them nothing. Look for what is good for you and your girl and forget about the rest, help is given when you can to those who deserve your help, and so far they don't seem to fit that description.

[stellinacadente]

Thanks to all of you... fpr a moment there I thought I was the one who had gone completely mad!

Since you guys have been so supportive in your replies, I wanted to share with you the wonderful news that my decent paying temp job has, as of yesterday, gone PERMANENT!

Ops I am sorry to hear your first husband was just like mine... some man are so useless! (and so are some women  )

Thank you again!

[Opsa]

YESSSSS!

I'm electronically dancing a jig for you!

Now, get out there and hunt for an apartment!

[Aggie]

Since you guys have been so supportive in your replies, I wanted to share with you the wonderful news that my decent paying temp job has, as of yesterday, gone PERMANENT!

I didn't have any spell advice for you, but I've been hoping it worked out - congratulations!

[Sibling Zono (anon1mat0)]

Congratulations!

[pieces o nine]

Good for you!

[Bruder Cuzzen]

Thank you for the good news Stelli !

[Sibling Chatty]

HAPPY FISH DANCE!!

OK, fish aren't good dancers, but congratulations!!

[anthrobabe]

I agree- they are not friends--

I am very happy to hear your job situation is looking up-- keep climbing-- I have been a single mom for 21 years-- some days are baaaaad-- but most are good and some are even fantastically great-- live for those days and take care.