Food Additives

[Griffin NoName]

Tonight I was going to have battered chicken in a lemon sauce. I decanted the chicken from the plastic wrapped plastic tray onto a baking sheet and then noticed there was something left in the plastic tray - a lump of faeces. A sizeable lump. Could even be human.

It was so disgusting.

Obviously I am returning the whole caboodle to the supermarket, but when I phoned to complain, they just agreed to "look into it" when they receive it back. Do they think I did it myself?

actually I might have done, having just sent bits of pooh off to the National Bowel Cancer Screening Unit - yuk - don't ask

[Bruder Cuzzen]

I was thinking of getting a snack , but I no longer feel hungry .

[Opsa]

Gross! I'm interested in knowing what they plan to do to keep you as a customer after that.

[Griffin NoName]

I expect they will offer me a £10 voucher or some such inadequate gesture. I am thinking whether to report them to the food industry watchdogs but I can't be positive it is faeces without analysis. I bet they won't admit it is, even if it is. To me, it looked like it might be the act of some disgruntled empployee.

[Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith]

Or a bit of actual dirt that fell onto the conveyor belt... someone's muddy shoes that did not get cleaned properly? 

... meh.   

I only mention this, because a classic prank back in grade school, was to form a lump of mud into the proper shape, and leave it for some victim to find.  The mud in my school's playground was *exactly* the correct shade to make this work....

.... ahh the things that can trigger childhood memories. 

[Griffin NoName]

They have tried to fob me off with a report that it was burnt batter (batter being part of the meal), but a) the batter coating the chicken is not cooked so how could it be burnt and b) I'm not stupid, it was nothing like burnt food at all. I stuck to my guns and got out of them that they'd been told by the supplier it was burnt batter without it having ever been sent back to the supplier.

When I rejected their claim, they asked me what I would like it to be. Unbelievable.

I did think of the possibility of mud Bob. But going into the grisly details, the cracks running through it were like faeces cracks not mud cracks, and it was obviously fallen off a bigger piece, and where  the join would be it was shaped like faeces are when broken up, and again, not like how mud breaks.

Talking of pooh, my bowel cancer screening came back negative - hooray. Next test 2 years time.

[Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith]

Talking of pooh, my bowel cancer screening came back negative - hooray. Next test 2 years time.

Woot!

[Griffin NoName]

They got back to me today saying they had now analysed "it". They said it was definitely "carbonised batter". I absolutely don't believe them. Essentially that is still "burnt" food. When the batter cooks at no point does it change to look anything like the turd. Even burnt bits don't look like the turd. Neither texture, nor colour, nor anything. It was a turd.

I can't go any further as they will just keep insisting. So I've accepted the measly £7 voucher.

I should have sent it to environmental health.