UK Special PM Countdown

[Griffin NoName]

On the sixth day before the Prime Minister changed I:

Knitted a new cabinet minister out of a liberal amount of string seasoned with brown soup.

[Bluenose]

Sorry, can't resist:  On the sixth day before the Prime Minister changed into what?

[beagle]

The usual choices are:

Vastly overpaid after-dinner speaker.

Vastly overpaid Eurocrat commissioner.

Vastly overpaid non-exec director of companies that inexplicably won contracts or got treated especially leniently while you were in office (BSkyb, supercasino chains, defence contractors...)

Back row heckler in the House of Lords.

Special envoy to somewhere you've never heard of.

Head of some World Bank/IMF type quango (should that be quasgo for supranational ones ?).

Pain in the backside to current incumbent.

Author of tedious diaries disclosing which of your colleagues were drunks/lechers/liars/thieves/all of the preceding and explaining how you were always right and them wrong.

All of the above.



On the fifth day before the Prime Minister changed I:

Should be ordering the champagne, but the thought of pension-snatcher Brown as replacement takes all the fun out of it.

[Griffin NoName]

Sorry, can't resist:  On the sixth day before the Prime Minister changed into what?

Into a Roman Catrholic apparently. Not on Beagle's list

edit. typo. but probably correct

[beagle]

Pity the poor padre that gets his first confession.

[Griffin NoName]

On the fifth day before the Prime Minister changed I:

Cashed in all my national insurance contributions, bought a large plot of land, built a mansion for my old age, installed staff with whom I can communicate, to provide necessary functions I cant do, invested the remainder in the GP surgey to enable home visit whenever necessary, and banned all non-essential medical treatment that prolongs quantity over quality of life. mmm

[beagle]

Apparently our beloved soon-to-be-ex leader has given the Pope pictures of a previous Anglican->Roman Catholic convert well on the way to sainthood, one Cardinal Newmann.

I find it hard enough to say "Prime Minister Blair" so "Saint Blair" is out of the question. Let's just hope not getting rumbled for a decade is insufficient proof of a miracle.  Can't accuse the blighter of not knowing how to aim high or drop a hint though.

Good luck getting your money back from Gordon Brown. The ******* moved my minimum private pension retirement age back 5 years and my state retirement back 1. And don't get me started on pension stealth taxes...

[Griffin NoName]

On the fourfth day before the Prime Minister changed I:

Told everyone how wonderful and clever my lawyer was (at giving the wrong advice) and shed a tear that he decided not go on doing it. Where will I ever find another one like that?

[beagle]

...Sold out to the EU and built a viewing stand in Downing Street, ready for adoring fans to be bussed in.

[Griffin NoName]

On the third day before the Prime Minister changed I:


...wondered why the Pope washed his hand after I kissed it.

[Griffin NoName]

On the second day before the Prime Minister changed I:
... forgot it was the second day before

On the last day before the Prime Minister changed I:

....realised tomorrow won't be much different to today

[beagle]

Not for us. Pity them in the Middle East though. Just when they thought it couldn't get any worse than suicide bombers, walls, interfactional fighting, roadblocks, power, water and food cuts they find you-know-who is on the way to help.

[Griffin NoName]

I just indulged myself by re-watching the Trial of you-know-who. Pity it's fiction.

[Griffin NoName]

A few days after the Prime Minister changed I:

Regretted not telling everyone that I forecast a terrorist attack shortly after the change over. Though I doubt it would have averted it (grandiose).

Not to make the same mistake again, I note that the possible involvement of imported doctors in the plot(s), resulting in the Jordanian father of one of them appealing to the King of Jordan to intervene on his son's behalf, smacks of conspiracy to cause maximum fallout and international turmoil with very lttile to go on so far.

[beagle]

Is this a worrying sign that off-duty doctors are finally getting bored with golf?

Wouldn't have thought he'll get much change out of King Abdullah. Encouraging fundamentalism isn't really the Jordanian way.

[Griffin NoName]

More likely BNP delayed action to show that relying on foreign doctors was going to make the NHS collapse. I could have proved that with no harm to life as three foreign nationals I got allotted couldn't speak enough english for us to understand each other. Oh, except for one exchange: me: are you going to be here for my next appointment? doc: not if I can help it.

Reassuring to know that the NHS checks on foreign national applications for positions as doctor is so thorough "because it involves human life", although this only applies to human life if one is ill. Does this mean that ill people who get blown up are not expected to die?

[beagle]

Perhaps blowing things up is the new strategy for MRSA, but it doesn't feel totally consistent with the Hippocratic Oath.  Or maybe waiting lists are so low now they need to drum up trade.

Maybe you should sneak a few questions into the conversation via an interpreter next time you see your doctor:

"Had your holidays yet? Villa in Tuscany or training camp in Pakistan?"

[Griffin NoName]

Or maybe waiting lists are so low now they need to drum up trade.

You could be onto something there. One of the doctors being held is said to have been planning to go back to country of origin when qualified in the particular specialty he'd come here to study. Perhaps the specialty is treating bomb vicitms.

[beagle]

I'd gathered labour's marvelous web recruiting system had totally pissed off junior doctors, but not quite how badly.

[Griffin NoName]

The recruitment papers for position of PM appear to have reduced the office to a 5 day working week. Great cut in hours. Maybe that's pissed the doctors off too.

[beagle]

He's from the Treasury. It was probably a seasonally adjusted number based on preliminary figures collected via the Office of National Statistics using revised central government guidelines on counting.

[Griffin NoName]

Should have smelt a rat when he said he wasn't going to use Chequers at weekends.

At a slight tangent, do they play croquet in Scotland?

[beagle]

Don't think so. Wasn't any in "Trainspotting" as I recall.

[Griffin NoName]

Alice in Wonderland wasn't set in Scotland either.

[Pachyderm]

Yes, some people play croquet in Scotland.

It is difficult, as the balls tend to run to the bottom of the hill, leaving you with a thousand foot, double handed overhead swing to get back to the next hoop.

And for the sake of stopping all the arguments we have to make sure the Glaswegians play with the yellow ball.

[Griffin NoName]

Ah! Indeed. I just found where to play !

[Pachyderm]

The things one learns....

What a wondrous world we live in.

Pity I am moving to Coventry in a month or so...

[Griffin NoName]

I expect there are things to do in Coventry

[Pachyderm]

Going to be too busy studying for any fun.

[Griffin NoName]

You could study something fun. Isn't study fun anyway, or why bother? 

[Pachyderm]

Not sure an MSc in Disaster Management should be included in the "Fun Studies" list. Might upset quite a few people.

But yes, I enjoy studying, so will get a deal of satisfaction out of that.

I may even indulge in a sherbet or two at weekends....

[Griffin NoName]

Ditch the sherbet, Molasses might be more instructive.

[Pachyderm]

The world is truly an amazing place.

Scary, but amazing.

Drowning in molasses is now top of the list of ways I don't want to go.