Facts About Chuck Norris

[Kiyoodle the Gambrinous]

Chuck Norris doesn't eat honey, he eats bees.

When God said "Let there be light", Chuck Norris replied "Say please".

[rumblemonk]

chuck norris is a midget on stilts

[Kiyoodle the Gambrinous]

Chuck Norris sleeps with the lights on. Not because he's afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

[Sibling Chatty]

Chuck Norris drives like your Granny. Not because he's afraid to drive faster, but if he does, his phenomenal Chuck Norrisitude goes on ahead and leaves the car behind.

[Sibling Chatty]

Wow. Did I kill off Chuck Norris?

OR was that the Ultimate Showdown??

[Kiyoodle the Gambrinous]

You can't kill Chuck Norris Chatty...
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There is no evolution, there are only animals that Chuck Norris allowed to live.

[Black Bart]

Chuck Norris's middle name is...Chuck Norris!

[Sibling Chatty]

When Chuck Norris goes to church, they sing all the hymns to HIM.

[Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith]

Sometimes, Chuck Norris doesn't need to go to Church - Church goes to Chuck Norris.

[Black Bart]

Chuck Norris will solve the Climate Change crisis...he'll round house kick Global Warming back into space and then get back into his 16 valve, 8 litre Firebird and drive off into the greenhouse gassless sunset!

[Bruder Cuzzen]

I recently heard Bruce Lee was a student of Chucks for a while,taking what he needed to develop his own fighting style .Apparently he was a good student.

[Scriblerus the Philosophe]

Chuck Norris doesn't read, he stares the book down to get the information he wants.

[Sibling Qwertyuiopasd]

you can kill chuck horris, but only with gandalf the grey and gandalf the white and monty python and the holy grails black knight and benito mussolini and the blue meanine, cowboy curtis and jombie the genie, robocop, terminator, captain kirk and darth vader, lo-pan, superman, every single power ranger, bill S. creston and theodore logan, spock, the rock, doc ock, and hulk hogan.

and it has to be a surprise attack.


but in the meantime, in communist Russia, you do not watch the chuck norris films, the Chuck Norris films watching you!

~Qwerty

[Scriblerus the Philosophe]

Lol. Its the ULTIMATE SHOWDOWN!

There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.

[Pachyderm]

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*** down.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'till." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
 
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

If you say Chuck Norris' name in Mongolia, the people there will roundhouse kick you in his honor. Their kick will be followed by the REAL roundhouse delivered by none other than Norris himself.

The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
 
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
 
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
 
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

Chuck Norris brings the noise AND the funk.
 
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.