Musical atrocities

[Lindorm]

There are some songs and artists that never should have seen the light of the day -never mind the dark smoky haze of the basement club. There are also certain covers that are an abomination unto all that is good and verily ought to make one very pissed off indeed.

A stellar example of the latter category would be Britney Spears' cover of Joan Jetts iconical classic "I love rock n' roll". Ye Gods, that is foul!

Two other shining examples would be the legions of covers of "Love Will Tear Us Apart" by Joy Division and "Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen, none of which seems to have grasped anything of what the song is all about. Say what you will about Grace Jones and her cover of Joy Division's "She's Lost Control" -it was quite dissimilar from the original, and I am not so sure it was very good at all, but at least it had nerve and a bit of tension. Don't get me started on Marilyn Manson and "Tainted Love"

Oh, and when Duran Duran made a cover of Public Enemy ("911 is a joke"): What were they thinking? Seriously? Was Simon Le Bon flirting with Nation of Islam as some sort of deluded compensation for flagging sales, or had the cocaine finally turned his synapses to instant custard?

So, fellow toadfish: What musical atrocities have you been exposed to? Covers, terrible artists, "supergroups" that aren't so super after all, pentecostal metal bands with bad hairdos? Unburden your heart and warn and enlighten us!

Celine Dion and Udo Lindenberg are hors de concourse based upon their long and meriterious oeuvres and not valid entries.

[Darlica]

I have one name for you:
MC Hammer...

Well two actually: MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice...

[Lindorm]

Oh, they are bad allright. But would you care to elaborate why and how they come to descend to these depths? Florid prose is encouraged.

By the by, did you know that Vanilla Ice is planning a big comeback tour? Shall I see if I can find any tickets for you? 

[Sibling DavidH]

I have one name for you:
MC Hammer...
Well two actually: MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice...

Why are you calling your poor husband MC Hammer?  Not to mention Vanilla Ice? 

[Darlica]

Nah. That wasn't what I meant...
I blame it on the red wine I've had and English not being my first language.

I meant I had one wait, two candidates to the list... But you knew that didn't you?


MC Hammer, well, aside form that him being a baptist preacher who wanted to do good hip hop sort of puts him the same category as Christian Metal bands of the late '80's that where in the business  because they wanted to act as a counterweight to heavy metal because bands like Ironmaiden and Judas Priest was in legion with the devil...

Aside form that, the music is boring and the man can't sing. Now, not having the clearest of voices and talk more than singing isn't necessarily bad, Leonard Cohen has a great voice but he doesn't sing very well, however he does have beautiful lyrics and a lot of feeling. One can't blame MC Hammer and his likes for that.

Vanilla Ice; I think his greatest musical accomplishment was being Madonnas boyfriend for awhile...

[Sibling Zono (anon1mat0)]

I dunno much about covers; in general terms I adhere to the doctrine that says that (with some exceptions) only the originals are worth listening.

But I heard my fair share of musical atrocities, for instance, John Cage's microtonal works for violin solo should be part of the weapons prohibited in the Geneva convention.

In any case I was thinking in two musical atrocities when I read the thread, but those require some explanation. Have you ever heard elevator music? I don't consider whatever they do 'covers' because the intention isn't to reinterpret the original but to remove the heart and soul of the piece, submerge it in a vat of chloroform and eliminate any distinctive feature altogether. Now, there are other things that are more idiosyncratic, like folk music. Some folkloric music has a lot of exotic flavors but some is simply crude, unrefined and repetitive. There is a particular type of Colombian folk music which leans more to the latter (BTW, there is quite a good deal of the former that I would wholeheartedly recommend but that shouldn't be mentioned in this thread) and its commercial popularity has in the majority of cases gone in detriment of the genre. I'm talking specifically about vallenato which in it's crudest form is quite popular in Colombia, Venezuela and possibly Panamá. There are decent exponents both old (like Rafael Escalona) to new (like Carlos Vives who interestingly did a number of covers of Escalona), but to my taste most of it is crude, unoriginal and repetitive, with poor vocal technique (singers frequently out of tune). A classic example of a popular vallenato is a song called El Santo Cachón which would more or less translate as "the horned saint" which as the title suggests relates the story of a man who stands a cheating wife. For some the song may be quaint and funny, personally I find it tasteless in the whole exempt of the word.

So after all that you may think that the atrocities I'm talking about are both elevator music and bad vallenato, and in general terms you would be right only that -as usual- it can always be worse. Some brilliant genius thought that the two genres should be merged and made a CD of vallenato elevator music. Coincidentally the first track of said CD is a "version" of El Santo Cachón, and to top it off the actual methodology to do this merge is so incredibly lame that there is simply no redemption for the criminal who ever considered the abomination compiled in said CD. The decision was to use mostly original instruments (accordion, percussion) and arrangement, and the melody is played by a violin section.

And someone thought that because I'm a classically trained musician I would "appreciate the effort". 

So that was the first musical atrocity that came to mind. The second is an atrocity but may be funny for some. My son (as mentioned somewhere else) is a fan of Metallica, which I actually like in most cases. One day we were both browsing the Amazon mp3 store and we found a number of disturbing "covers" including techno, pop, to this:

And Christmas For All! The Holiday Tribute to Metallica.

I must admit that it makes me laugh for a few seconds, mostly reminding my son's face while listening to it, but it is indeed an abomination.

[Sibling DavidH]

IMHO the worst musical atrocity ever - by a wide margin - was what Nigel Kennedy did to poor ole Vivaldi's Four Seasons.  In general, to my ear, there's not much you can do to pop music to make it worse than it is to start with.  There are, of course, many honourable exceptions.

I blame it on ... English not being my first language.

You shouldn't; your English is immaculate.  Blame it on my sick sense of humour! 

[Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith]

And Christmas For All! The Holiday Tribute to Metallica.

I must, respectfully, disagree:  I find Metallica so abysmal a style, that the "christmas tribute" was a marked improvement....



But then again, there's no accounting for taste, is there?

[pieces o nine]

As it is Sunday -(and following the spirit of Metallica Christmas )- siblings and sibnlingettes, I give you:
Jesus Christ Surferstar






EDIT: fixed healed 'music' samples link

[Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith]

As it is Sunday -(and following the spirit of Metallica Christmas )- siblings and sibnlingettes, I give you:
[img=http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_Cn_59cQeBuI/SeC8NivHXUI/AAAAAAAABTg/AMNExvSHK2E/s320/jcs.bmp]http://Jesus Christ Surferstar[/img]

Years ago, I did the lights for an amateur production of that show.... to this day, I can't much stand the music any longer-- weeks of rehearsal, don'cha know....

[pieces o nine]

Years ago, I did the lights for an amateur production of that show.... to this day, I can't much stand the music any longer-- weeks of rehearsal, don'cha know....

Surferstar or Superstar?   

[Swatopluk]

I doubt there is a proper English term for "Volkstümlicher Schlager" (same for "Heimatfilm" btw) but it's better anyway that the rest of the world is spared it.
'Pseudo folk' does not even begin to describe its horrors. Imagine Limbaugh and Beck* in Lederhosn singing songs with enough lard in them to kill a major city by means of greasy degeneration.
Two types are most prevalent: 1) Herz/Schmerz** 2) 'folksy funny'***
If you hear or see 'Musikantenstadl': RUN! For you sanity's sake!

*I mean the types not the politics although lovers of that kind of music tend to be paleoconservative
** heart/pain, the proverbial never-to-use-rhyme
***definitely not the real type of funny as practiced by e.g. The Corries. Absence of self-mockery is mandatory

[Opsa]

IMHO you can't do worse than The Shaggs.

[Sibling DavidH]

OMFSM, they throw a whole new light on the meaning of the word 'crap'.   Please tell me they're not serious. 

[Sibling Zono (anon1mat0)]

But The Shaggs are in the same category as Wing or Florence Foster Jenkins.

Be warned before you click play.

[youtube=425,350]ovEASuIqVbY[/youtube]
Or..
[youtube=425,350]MM6qntPpyZ0[/youtube]