Ask Big Ron and Bustlin’ Brian – Your Pirate Home Handymen…

[DaveL]

YARGGGGHHHH!!!

Life at sea is a very lonely past time...ermm....

Being deprived of female contact for months at a time is...erm....

*Drops voice level 2 octaves*

Now where's me manly after shave?

[Bluenose]

Oooooo...     Hello, sailor!

[DaveL]

Dear Bustlin Brian,

I read in the Portsmouth Argus that you were spotted in a park cannodling with Brenda McTavish. Is it true?

Regards,

Your wife
Bustling Briony

[Black Bart]

Dear Mrs Bustling

I think there may be a case of mistaken identity here.  Brian was commissioned to fit the water supply to the newly installed statue of Moby Dick. 

You can certainly tell it was Brian who fitted the plumbing because the fountain appears not to be coming out of Dick's spout as originally designed but it's squirting out of his ****!

Yours Sincerely

Quentin Tarantino

Municipal Officer of City Works

[DaveL]

Dear Big Ron,

I've been havin trubbles tenderising me rump of late. Each time Oi buy a nice slice  it's bin a bit gristly and sinewy.

If Oi hit me rump with a tenderising mallet, do ye think Oi might be able to soften it up a bit.

There's nuthin werse than a big slice of buttock ye can't bite into.

Yours in meat,

B.Hind