Better Marriage Blanket

[Aggie]

Nice euphemism.   

[youtube=425,350]bM4eJ38S7Hw[/youtube]


I have been pondering for years how exactly to market an ergonomically supportive office-chair cushion of similar function (aka the "Duckbuster"). 

_{I can't imagine giving this as a wedding or anniversary gift, as suggested....}   

[Darlica]

 

I say cold feet and snoring are much more common problem in bed...

If some one has a flatulence so bad they need a carbon filter in bed I think it's time to pay a visit to the good doctor...

IMHO it goes on the "stoopid things list" together with scrotum deodorant and vaginal douches* to mention a few.


_{*I'm not saying you shouldn't wash properly and keep clean, only that this particular area is extremely sensitive to chemicals both inside and outside the body and regardless of your sex.}

[Aggie]

You haven't lived with me on a lentil kick, D.    

_{I've been to a doctor, when younger, and naturopaths, to no avail.  Other than avoiding any number of tasty and otherwise healthy foods (including legumes and heavy amounts of garlic), the one thing that helps the most is simply chewing more and eating slowly.  The root cause is likely overexposure to antibiotics when younger - probiotics now don't seem to make a major difference - but there's a significant stress component to my digestive function, too.}

I just doubt that it really works, even if the product does what it says - most farts slip up under the covers, not penetrate the blankets.  Better would be an exhaust fan pulling air down through the mattress and through a carbon filter.

[Sibling DavidH]

If some one has a flatulence so bad they need a carbon filter in bed I think it's time to pay a visit to the good doctor...

OK, so you've been talking to my wife.   

[Griffin NoName]

Satisfaction guarranteed??

[Darlica]

You haven't lived with me on a lentil kick, D.    

No.

*snipp*

I just doubt that it really works, even if the product does what it says - most farts slip up under the covers, not penetrate the blankets. 

That too, if we where talking snug fitting underwear with some sort of filtering effect, I could at least buy the idea (albeit not the product it self).

[Sibling Zono (anon1mat0)]

There is indeed a brand of underwear with carbon filters:

http://www.under-tec.com/index.php

[Aggie]

There is indeed a brand of underwear with carbon filters:

http://www.under-tec.com/index.php

Do those include anti-shart technology?

[Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith]

Well, coming at this problem from the commercial side?  If someone really and truly wishes to eliminate the 'smellz' from the bedroom? 

Do what the commercial eateries do about bathroom smells.... install positive-draft ventilation fans.

That is, in any eatery above "cheap, greazy spoon" category, they have a ventilation fan over each porcelain fixture.

There is a net inflow of air pressure into the bathroom, even with the A/C-heat going full blast.  Which is why many either have vents in the doors, or else the bottom of the door has a larger than normal space between the floor and the door.

They most definitely do not want any of the bathroom smells returning to the dining room-- those type of odors tend to discourage customers.

So.

A exhaust fan (or two) just  behind the headboard of the bed would do the trick.  A heat sensor would activate the fan, as soon as the bed was occupied.   These can be made very quiet, especially if you use ducting, and put the fan at the nether end of a long duct-- you'll never hear it running.

The constant inflow of fresh air from the rest of the house will dilute and mask any immediately created odors in and around the bed area.

Problem solved.   And?  If you do the work yourself?  A lot cheaper than 3 easy payments of $39.95 + s&h....

[Aggie]

Is duct that cheap? 

I would niggle that one would not want to have the exhaust port near the headboard - the point is to draw smells away from one's nasal apparatus!  OTOH, if one could seal the sides and base of the boxspring and draw from that, one could create a downdraft through the mattress and stop upward migration.

It'd tend to be a bit chilly in cold climates, though.

[Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith]

What I had suggested was suction near the headboards, and exhaust to the outside-- that's what eateries do.

You don't need high CFM here-- 30 to 50 is enough to exchange the air quickly enough, at worst a momentary smell, then within a half a minute or so, it's gone.

The duct can be simple plastic "dryer" tubing-- nothing fancy needed here, you're not exhausting hot air directly from a hot clothes dryer for example.   But, if ran into the attic, I'd wrap with some form of insulation, to prevent condensate from forming in the winter. 

Or, if you detest dumping the modest air outside, dump it back into the house, well away from the bedroom, say the laundry room... who cares if it stinks a bit? 

[pieces o nine]

There is indeed a brand of underwear with carbon filters:

http://www.under-tec.com/index.php

I was enchanted by the little ghostly flying underwears accompanied by testimonials.  ex: "It improved my social confidence"  accompanied not  by, say, "-- George X"  but with a first and  last name, floating around the screen like a fart on the lam...

[Griffin NoName]

Do different people's farts smell different?

[Sibling Zono (anon1mat0)]

I bet they do, ask any dog...

[Sibling DavidH]

Do different people's farts smell different?

It seems to me that the same person's farts vary according to what they have been eating.  Curries often have pretty startling effects. 

[Lindorm]

Reading the description of those strange things, the underwear is apparently made out of some sort of air-tight woven nylon -probably something on the lines of fabric used for backpacks and tentcloth. Since it is airtight, it will also de facto be moisture-tight.

Now, imagine wearing something absolutely air-tight around your crotch, something that also traps all moisture, and wearing that for 24 hours or more. Can anyone spell rashes, ingrown hair and eczema? And I wonder what will smell worse, the farts or the fungal infections that are sure to result from this?

But I suppose it doesn't matter if the family jewels rot and fall off, as long as they do so smelling of synthetic hyacinths...

[Sibling DavidH]

Green solution: have the pants vented by a small air pump which stores the gas in a cylinder for later use in cooking.  Or just burn it in a fuel cell to power the pump. 

[Swatopluk]

If it is the right type of microorganisms, it could be trained to live off the fart gases

[Lindorm]

Hi!

Is this were tonight's meeting of Scatologists Anonymous is?

[Sibling DavidH]

Yup.  Everyone's been on apricot purée and sprouts all day.