STOP fornicating! you are causing global warming

[anthrobabe]

well at least according to Yisrayl Hawkins, pastor and overseer of The House of Yahweh

not sure if it's on the web-- probably is-- but found a flier on my car, 4 pages about global warming and yep you guessed it among it's many causes (and of course it is prophecised in the bible as well) FORNICATION is causing it!

ok after rereading it is   www.yisraylhawkins.com   I can't wait to check it out. and dear ones he is in Abilene TX.

other goodies in the newsletter--- a dubious translation of the word sorceries to mean 'pharmacist,medication,druggist, pharmacy or poisoner'  yes folks Penicillin is causing global warming as it is a sin because it is used to cure STD's (among other silly illnesses).

so here is what I think we should all do
get his email and email him every single time we fornicate in our daily lives--- now let's use a broad definition of fornication to mean ANY and ALL sex or even making out that we do--- in any way or form with anyone or not--- that way he'll get a clear picture of how boring his life is and maybe he will go out and get laid and get a life 

also we need to make him aware of how in fact Pirates help fight global warming!

[Opsa]

Oh, super- another doomsday-worshipping fanatic. Oops- did I type that out loud? I'm sorry- that was not very humble of me. But really, the "Chucky" nuclear baby really takes the cake.

So what are you thinking, Ababe? Maybe send notices of our whoopie disguised as confessions? Maybe with extended remorsefulness and gnashing of teeth/rending of clothes? Or maybe we could say we already gnashed/rent whilst in the throes and see if we get points off for it. 

[Pachyderm]

Tell him to ^&*% off. And see if that counts as "fornication".

[Aggie]

So what are you thinking, Ababe? Maybe send notices of our whoopie disguised as confessions? Maybe with extended remorsefulness and gnashing of teeth/rending of clothes? Or maybe we could say we already gnashed/rent whilst in the throes and see if we get points off for it. 

Much whipping (cream) and ganaching of teats..... 

[Griffin NoName]

It's just so sad.

[Sibling Zono (anon1mat0)]

I hate to say it but there is something to the argument, think about it, fornication begets children and children become consumers with large carbon footprint appetites. On the same token, antibiotics are pretty much the reason for the explosive rise in population for the past century, think of all the children that would have died without antibiotics.

IOW, the argument is sound: More people = More CO2

Which explains the prophesied apocalypse: g_d needs to get rid of a huge number of people in order to reduce CO2 emissions on his creation. Given that a flood is ruled out (perhaps because he figured out the amount of methane resulting from it) a different measure needs to be taken this time...
 

[pieces o nine]

Much whipping (cream) and ganaching of teats..... 

Brother Hawkins can be found on one of the public access channels here in the weeeeeee hours of the weekend mornings. If chronic insomnia is wearing me down and I am bored with my books/cds/movies/blogs, I'll watch an episode or two, in utter fascination. (In his case, episode is the definitive word...) He harangues, berates, and works that patriarchal mojo for all it's worth.

I am a pale jealous wreck that you have this flier, PS, and I like your suggestion. Of course, this person could find a whole slew of verses to prove that your proposed emails are not only foretold in Daniel *and* Revelation, but are in fact, interstate propositions or worse. Just a thought. 

[Pachyderm]

Is it only human fornication that is causing the problem? Or are all those unmarried plants and animals contributing to it?

[Sibling Chatty]

Oh, geeze, a stupid ex-cop and trailer park manager is the next David Koresh??

Damn, Bill Hawkins was crazy years ago. I guess it just got worse.

Abilene was the closest "city" to Brownwood, where I went to college. One of the girls on my floor in the dorm was related to this nutcase, and she said back then that he and his brother were crazy. Time has shown 'zakly HOW crazy...

[Aggie]

Oh, geeze, a stupid ex-cop and trailer park manager is the next David Koresh??

It's Mr. Layhey? ^^

[Scriblerus the Philosophe]

That's hilarious stuff. I was showing this to a friend, and he sent me to this site, which is even funnier.
It looks like someone ran it through babble fish about half the time.

[Aphos]

And what about all those sheep and cows and pigs and such.  After all, methane is a greenhouse gas, and the more cows we have, the more cow farts.  It's awful.  We will have to stop all this animal fornicating.  If we want the world to return to its natural state we are going to have to get rid of all this nature.

[beagle]

I haven't followed the link, but I'm guessing from the name that we're talking Old Testament here. The same Old Testament that has "Go forth and multiply" and Noah telling his sons to spread it about a bit (paraphrasing slightly).
How is a tribe expected to prosper in the eyes of the Lord if not big enough to thump the neighbouring tribe with a different Lord next door? The man has no concept of theology .

[Swatopluk]

That won't run. Fornication is illegitimate sex, i.e. outside marriage and/or for enjoyment instead of procreation. Whether sex inside marriage is allowed to be enjoyable is an old debating point among theologians. Many think it is sinful in any case but if the puprose is legitimate it is only a venial sin. But you can't be in the 144000 specially rewarded ones, if you are female or had sexual contact with females (that actually is in revelation and not a later invention).

[beagle]

Phelps isn't going to like the implications of that.  Wouldn't want to be God explaining it to Germaine Greer either.