Toadfish Monastery

Gang,

I would like yers all to do some homework.

The time has come for us to get ourselves an official web link at the Talk Like A Pirate Day Website.

I have recently written to The Webwench at TLAP to get the Toadfish Monaster offically listed.

http://www.talklikeapirate.com/links.html
webwench@talklikeapirate.com

As Oi am yet to hear from her, Oi 'aves no choice but to unleash the full contingent of scurvy letter writers tellin' Webwench to get us listed.

Here be me letter:

QuoteDear TLAP lads and Webwench,

Oi loves yer website and I spent last September in full regalia on a Louisiana Paddle Steamer - YArrrghh!

I was writin' to you let you about our humble piratey abode located at The Toadfish Monastery. We are a gang (many of us pirates) who set sail from the Flying Spaghetti Monster forum (Venganza) to start up a new website last year.

If you like a good saucy laugh and a nice dose nautical nonsense, this be a fine place.  We have a number of jolly threads which have taken the old salty sea dog concept and given pirate life a 'modern twist':

- Our own saucy mens mag called 'Playbilge';
- A Scumsoft Computer Help desk;
- A newspaper called the Portsmouth Aaaarrrgghgus;
- An online selling site called Arggh-bay;
- An official soccer team The Piratica Monastical Football Club
- Ye Pirate Insult Challenge

Arrgghhh, here be the links for yer enjoyment -

Here be the main page:

http://toadfishmonastery.com/

Here be the Piratey section:

http://toadfishmonastery.com/index.php?option=com_smf&Itemid=18&board=5.0

Given the work the lads have put in, I reckon it be worthy of an official listing on yer Talk Like A Pirate site.

Whaddyer Reckon?

Koind Regards (and yours in scurviness)

Captain DaveL

Now get writin' and tell her she'll be keelhauled if she don't write back approvingly, YARRR!! Best post your letter here too, so we can all sob when she ignores us repeatedly. Yaarrggh!

YArrrr...

Before youse start postin' youse had better see the Verry Speshal Anownsmunt on the front page.

Get photoshoppin yer blaggards!

Oi will confirm all details, such as who will be judgin' etc shortly

Regards

DaveL
Playbilge

Guys,

Our beloved Murdoch press here in Australia are busily looking for 'chinks in the armour' of our opposition party. They are really scratching for a piece of dirt on them at present.

Read this little gem from Caroline Overington in The Australian. It reads like something from the 19th century.

http://tinyurl.com/22ppl5

The Deputy opposition leader Julia Gillard is both atheist, unmarried and childless. Oh No!! Please don't be honest about your private beliefs.

I couldn't help but respond in the comments below. Is a ticket to government really necessary on the backs of having kids and religious beliefs?

Gang,

I've been reading quite a bit into Atheism and its more postive offshoots, such as Humanism of late.

I'm currently reading Richard Dawkins 'The God Delusion', which seems to criticise religious belief, without really acknowledging mankinds' tendency to celebrate spirituality more broadly.

I'm personally disappointed about the lack of alternatives in Dawkins argument. Surely not all spiritual beliefs are the result dogmatic and superstitious. Isn't spirituality endemic in all cultures?

After a few searches, I came across a 'happy medium' which acknowledges both scientific inqury and various forms of spirituality - 'Spritual Humanism'

To quote the Wiki entry:

QuoteSpiritual Humanism, is a religious and philosophical movement that embraces the religious inclinations common to most people, yet additionally requires verifiable scientifically valid evidence for religious beliefs.

The key principles are as follows:

Quote1. Seek religious inspiration in nature.

2. Base religion on knowledge gained by the scientific method.

3. Treat people with equality.

4. Take action to diminish suffering, and advance happiness.

5. Resources that belong to every one must be protected.

6. Mark the arrival of the seasons with religious rituals.

7. Make a regular practice of religious activities such as meditation.

8. Recognize the debt to past and future generations.

9. Stand up for these principles and defend your beliefs.

10. Continually improve these ideas as new information becomes available

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spiritual_Humanism

Cool concept(s) - however, I noted you can instanteneously become ordained in the Church of Spiritual Humanism (hey ok, it did cross my mind for at least 10 minutes, but nothing is that easy surely ).

http://www.spiritualhumanism.org/

It's not a recognised church here, so I haven't heard much about it until now. However, many of the concepts appear compatible with us Toadfish. Any thoughts?

Guys,

I was really inspired watching this documentary which screened prime-time in Australia. It was about towns in the US fighting chainstores (The Fast Foodies, Walmart etc) dominating their streetscapes, with an emphasis on Mom+Pop businesses.

http://www.independentamerica.net/
http://www.independentamerica.typepad.com/

With fuel prices on the rise there is hope that homegrown businesses will thrive, as chain stores source their produce from places outside the local area.

Walmart, which we don't have here yet - ummm, well those guys just look plain scary, lovely use of spin in their commercials - uggh!

It's nice to the little guy fighting these big corporate chains dominating the landscape.

We've had a few successes in Sydney preventing McDonalds from opening. Although, to be perfectly honest, driving from one place to another is starting to look the same here too.

YArrrr...

Welcome back pupils, the new term has begun. O'im your Principal, Capn Bill 'Dirk-in-the-ribs'Cullinane.

O'ill be finalising this years kerriculum curriculum.

If there be any special elective topics you'd like to learn sermestere term you may speak now.

Fundamentals in YArrring will start in 5 minutes.

Welcome back pupils!

Thought I might post this over in General.

Back in the early 1990's, there was a satire show on Australian TV called 'The Money or The Gun' At the end of each episode, they got a band to come on and perform their version of Led Zep's 'Stairway to Heaven' (25 in fact!)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Money_or_the_Gun

I vaguely remember a Pirate version being done, which was very funny...lo and behold, someone posted it on You Tube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HnnsL0ValJc

Enjoy!

YArrrrr...

So yer though we'd bin closed, well yer wrong.

The monks are quite partial to Playbilge...as many of 'em are blokes yer know! They have allowed us to undertake publication of the magazine, provided we give the odd human interest stories eg. Squiddlie Breedin'.

During me toime in the garden, Oi've had some toime to reflect on me wicked former ways and decided I don't have any...YArrrrrr!!!!

Send us in yer favourite articles. O'ill post a list of assignments for yer writing pleasure. But just remember keep 'em humble. Think Brenda humbly, think Sea Hag photos humbly etc...YArrrr, yewl get the hang of it.

So Oi now declare the new PlayBilge open fer business.

Yarrrr...

Have yer ever watched those lifestyle programs, where they dig up some expert to tell yer the bleedin obvious? Oh yeah, put in a plastic bag, that's brilliant!! Or just dig a hole and bury it...why didn't Oi think of that!! Yarrrr...

Well, now we've got yer home handyman hints covered right here at the Monastery.  Our Continuous Salty Tale heroes Big Ron and Bustlin Brian are here to answer all your renovatin' problems. Big Ron a purveyor of quality meats will answer all yer quandaries about the best prime cut for the next Monsatical shindig. Bustlin Brian the village plumber will be on hand to answer all your plumbin' and home handyman queries.

The format will be as per Aunty Black robe. You can ask the question or give the reply. Just don't forget to excuse yerself if you answer as Big Ron...Yarrrrr...

YArrrrr...

Oi though O'id been missun a good game of soccer for a while.  Oi heards the Toadfish do indeed love their soccer and followin a chat with the monks they have allowed us to build our own 60,000 seater stadium on the village outskirts.

The bulk of the team have made it over to the Monastery. Even Coach Sibling Chatty is here.
So we should be able to do some serious damage - ummmmmm...in a really humble way Oi mean.

So strap yer soccer boots on and lets get kickin'

Are yer ready to kick some Euro Cup Qualifin' butt or what?

BRING IT ON....YARRRRR!!!

Well, just when you though it was safe to come out of the concrete bunker, then came this website.

I though www.stuffonmycat.com was awesome. But check out this one!!

http://www.catsthatlooklikehitler.com/

The Sibling below me thinks that Monasteries are where they make money...

Once upon a time, a large man trod the streets of Portsmouth...

YArrrrr...

It's bin a while since we've 'ad the chance to discuss our fine feathered friends.  The Monastery offers some excellent breedin' opportunities - ooops an' Oi didn't mean a visit to Madame Fifi's either...YArrr!

Oi's hear that there be some excoitin developments to breed some bewdiful parrots in this foine establishment.

As it be parrot breedin' season again, it's toime get yer Polly and Poll-ette together...after they get to know one another of course ...and tell us the finer points of your Pssitacultural delights.

Settle down Polly...Settle Down!! YArrrr!!!

Just check out these foine websites dedicated to the art of parrot breedin'

http://www.parrots-psittaculturist.co.uk/
http://www.perroquet.com/en/

YArrrr...and who said Monasteries were a bit quiet when it came to red hot action...YArrrrr!!!

Dear Siblings and Mateys,

Your Agony Aunt is now open for business in the Monastery. If you have any Piratical or Monastical concerns that need addressing by non-divine intervention, please ask. You may also pretend to be Aunty Black Robe and provide us with your infinite wisdom.

RAmen.

Let the Agony Begin!

Dear Pirates, Monks and 'Pirates who may secretly wish to be monks. As part of our chores, the monastery has asked that we continue or good work in ending global warming.  And hence we shall bow our heads and say (repeat after me)

YAARGGHHHHH!!!

Guys, if I can persuade the others, with your permission, I think the others would make a fine additions to HOT. All good fellas and wonderful story tellers. If yes from both parties we will leave the old place for good.Whaddya say?