Things to do on a long voyage

[Griffin NoName]

Dear Mam

Oi be on a long voyage an be spendin me time makin yer a foine coffin from the scrags o wood wot floats past owr ship.

Lord Lord Lord Treadmill-TopSon Cap'n

ps. me wooolly jumper wot ye sent bin eeten by a bilge rat. dont send more. the bilge rate be gettin too fat.

[Black Bart]

FER SHAME OF ALL OF YER!!

Wastin' yer time at games an' such, when yer puir old' muvvers are sittin' at the Old Biddy's Rest Home with nary a letter from their theivin' sons!!

When was th' last toime ye took yer auld mam a wee bit o' the bounty of yer work?? Did ye visit her on yer last trip to Portsmouth?? NAAAH, o' course ye didn't. Ye know th' address, you mangy dogs...it's where ye send th' money fer them to keep yer mam from comin' to th' docks to make ye clean yer ship and neaten up yer berth!!

Oi wants evver man jack o' ye to promise to write yer Mum once a month, or so help me, Our Mum will make me bring them to th' docks ter visit ye, AND stop off at the Admiral Benbow fer a toddy.

Ye have been warned!!

AARRRRRR, That be good advice...an I remembers wot Chatty did to the blaggards wot did not heed er words, so ere goes:

Writin a letter to yer mammy on a Long Voyage:

Dear Mammy

I opes the Aztecs ave been a treatin yer well.  I be callin in to see yer soon cos I has a spent all the Gold wot I got from sellin ye to said Aztecs.  I'll be bringin Uncle Joe...I don't suppose I will get much fer im but they may be short of a sacrificial victim.

Can ye send me another parcel o socks made of Alpaca wool, they keeps me 5 tootsies noice n warm.

Nothin much ta report, no mutinies this month, could be down to the extra floggins I has been dishin out or it could be down to the extra Fishe Heade Stewe rashions.

That be all fer now,

Your hever hasfectionate boy

Black Bart

ps:  I won an Eye Patch

pps I found the Holy Grail

[Bruder Cuzzen]

YARRRRrrrrrrRR...I take ta messin about wid alla booze...mixin dem togedder an sees wot happen...the rum and baileys wid dem wee ice bergs dun a guud wun uh tells ye.....

[nefyuBB]

 onna long voyij i pway wiff me marbullz .

[pieces o nine]

That be a bolde-phased lye, NefYoo. We awl nose ye dun lost yer marrrghbulls.

[nefyuBB]

nup nup nup anty pon .

i has wun weff !

WANNA SE ET !?!

[Pachyderm]

Ai sai, shold we be encouraging this sort of behaviour?

Mrs Whitehouse wold not be impressed.

[Griffin NoName]

Unfortunately Mrs Whitehouse is dead.

[Pachyderm]

Ai did wonder at the drop in standards. Binge drinking and nudity, dontcher know. Never happened in my day, Ai'll tell you. That sort of behaviour at School got you caned, and holding a hot buttered muffin in yer posterior cheeks while quaffing a gallon of porter. And woe betide you if you dropped it, or forgot the words to the unofficial anthem. Those sixth form fellas could play rough, Ai sai.

[nefyuBB]

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

sumtyms i lik to pway
stik tha pegleg on tha nappy tym pierat

[nefyuBB]

onna lon voyij i pway wiff tha bilj ratz !

[Pachyderm]

Is that a skiffle band? Or a ska outfit?

[nefyuBB]

onna lon voyij i karrv stuff all o'er tha shup !
mosly i krarv me noime on stuff !
ta let dem noe i wuz tharre
an sumtoimes i krarv pikturs !

[pieces o nine]

Arrrgh, ye shood tayke hup scrimshaw, to divversify yer porrrtfoleyo, loike. Ye can't hex speck thee waddermillin blud marrrket to 'old ferevver...

[nefyuBB]

onna lon voyij i swing in tha riggins !