Pip Pip, Tally Ho - Talk Like a Land Lubber

[beagle]

Indeed. Her laydship was always telling us how keen she was on John Thomas. Odd really, because we could have sworn the gamekeeper's name was Mellors.

[Pachyderm]

A gamekeeper? Ai thought the fellow was a politician, or something of that ilk? One learns something new every day...

[Opsa]

The ladies would love to join you on your tobacco estate romp, but only if you remark on the pixie-like nature of our noses.

[pieces o nine]

Prithee gentlemen, do not forget to remark favorably upon our limpid, doe-like eyes, our shell-like ears, our swan-like necks, nor our 'most excellent bosoms'.

[The Meromorph]

OY! You! Big Knockers! Come over 'ere be'ind ther Pertunyas! 


*** a  green clad ghillie is forcibly removed by several strapping stable hands.**

[Opsa]

Horrors! Who was that crude creature and when can we have him back again? He quite brough roses to my cheeks. (Lifts bustle to expose rosy cheeks.)

[beagle]

It's the vicar ma'am. He's often to be found amusing himself in the grounds, or in the library with a Trollope.

Don't be misled by the costume, it's camouflage so he can pursue his bird-watching hobby without causing them undue alarm. He's most highly regarded in the parish, and is said to have saved more fallen women than even his predecessor (who himself possessed quite a collection).

[Pachyderm]

Would all ladies who are interested in the jaunt round the 'baccy lands please report round the back of the pergola? The  exact nature of noses, eyes, ears, bosoms and rosy cheeks must be checked before we set off. Wouldn't do to let imposters in, see. Ai'll be the chap with the big grin.

[Opsa]

Oh, very well then, the ladies consent. But we do ask if there might be refreshments behind the pergola? They are in the mood for something quite silly: a gaily-hued aperitif, perhaps. Or two. 

And do bring the vicar.

[pieces o nine]

And the strapping stable hands.

Just to assist with the carrying of picnic gear and the like, and the adjusting of parasols and the like, of course.

[Pachyderm]

The stable hands are unfortunately occupied dealing with the sudden crisis at the stables, *drops match* and the Parson's been dragged off by the Bizzers. Apparently, the nun's complained. They were feeling left out, so it seems.*puts notebook away* Anyway, refreshments have been arranged, in a variety of colours, and  I have arranged an escort of cavalrymen for parasol-rearranging.


*noise of marching, occasional horsey neighs*


Ladies, say "hello" to B Squadron of the 10th Eunuch Hussars.

*big grin*

[The Meromorph]

I say, old bean, you do realize it's the horses that are the eunuchs, what?

[Pachyderm]

Absolutely. I'm sure you know what they say about the cavalry, it's the horse which is the smart one of the pair...

[DaveL]

My word, I hear the Hussar Eunuchs are initiated by sword. Did they fight with Lord Kitchener by any chance?

[beagle]

More a case of fought him off, in some, but not all cases, as I understand it.