'Tis the season...

[Bluenose]

Night Before Christmas in Aussie land

'Twas the night before Christmas; there wasn't a sound.
Not a possum was stirring; no-one was around.
We'd left on the table some tucker and beer,
...Hoping that Santa Claus soon would be here;
We children were snuggled up safe in our beds,
While dreams of pavlova danced 'round in our heads;
And Mum in her nightie, and Dad in his shorts,
Had just settled down to watch TV sports.
When outside the house a mad ruckus arose;
Loud squeaking and banging woke us from our doze.
We ran to the screen door, peeked cautiously out,
Snuck onto the deck, then let out a shout.
Guess what had woken us up from our snooze,
But a rusty old Ute pulled by eight mighty kangaroos.
The cheerful man driving was giggling with glee,
And we both knew at once who this plump bloke must be.
Now, I'm telling the truth it's all dinki-di,
Those eight kangaroos fairly soared through the sky.
Santa leaned out the window to pull at the reins,
And encouraged the 'roos, by calling their names.
'Now, Kylie! Now, Kirsty! Now, Shazza and Shane!
On Kipper! On, Skipper! On, Bazza and Wayne!
Park up on that water tank. Grab a quick drink,
I'll scoot down the gum tree. Be back in a wink!'
So up to the tank those eight kangaroos flew,
With the Ute full of toys, and Santa Claus too.
He slid down the gum tree and jumped to the ground,
Then in through the window he sprang with a bound.
He had bright sunburned cheeks and a milky white beard.
A jolly old joker was how he appeared.
He wore red stubby shorts and old thongs on his feet,
And a hat of deep crimson as shade from the heat.
His eyes - bright as opals - Oh! How they twinkled!
And, like a goanna, his skin was quite wrinkled!
His shirt was stretched over a round bulging belly
Which shook when he moved, like a plate full of jelly.
A fat stack of prezzies he flung from his back,
And he looked like a swaggie unfastening his pack.
He spoke not a word, but bent down on one knee,
To position our goodies beneath the yule tree.
Surfboard and footy-ball shapes for us two.
And for Dad, tongs to use on the new barbeque.
A mysterious package he left for our Mum,
Then he turned and he winked and he held up his thumb;
He strolled out on deck and his 'roos came on cue;
Flung his sack in the back and prepared to shoot through.
He bellowed out loud as they swooped past the gates-

MERRY CHRISTMAS to all, and goodonya, MATES!'




* NB, none of this is the work of Bluenose!

[Swatopluk]

[Darlica]

Wonderful. 

I always wondered what Santa looks like in the southern hemi...

[Opsa]

Delightful. Had to read it in an Aussie accent to get it right.

[Sibling DavidH]

Excellent!

Try this one.

[Griffin NoName]

Nice one.

[Aggie]

Kev's got plenty of Christmas songs that are NSFTFM, but this one's a little more sentimental:

Tattoo of Santa
by Kevin Bloody Wilson


He was a rebel
And an outlaw
And an outcast
But I never saw him do nobody harm

The rumor was he'd spent some time in prison
He told me he'd been working on a farm
But he always had us kids around for Christmas
And he'd always find a present for us all

And he'd always give us rides on the back of his Harley
Weren't for him, there'd be no Christmas time at all

He had a Harley all in pieces in his kitchen
and bits of other bikes out in his yard
an eagle and a skull and cross bone tattooed on his arms
and a big tattoo of Santa on his heart

he was regarded pretty much as a loner
and we all wondered if he'd family of his own
but I don't remember seeing any photos
at Christmas when he'd open up his home

he had this funny little pot plant in the corner
that he'd dress up just like a Christmas tree
and the laughter from us kids
at the silly things he did
like them tiny bits of tinsel in his beard

He had a Harley all in pieces in his kitchen
and bits of other bikes out in his yard
an eagle and a skull and cross bone tattooed on his arms
and a big tattoo of Santa on his heart

Looking back I often wonder where he'd be now
or even if he's still around at all
and if he still takes in kids
but wherever he is,
it's coz of him I still believe in Santa Claus

And today I took my own kid to meet Santa
and after all these years he hasn't changed at all
except his hair's a little whiter
and he's put on a bit more middle
Oh, but the laughter of them kids just said it all

Bet there's a Harley all in pieces in his kitchen
and bits of other bikes out in his yard
an eagle and a skull and cross bone tattooed on his arms
and a big tattoo of Santa on his heart

Bet there's a big tattoo of Santa on his heart

[Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith]

Vera-nice-ah.   Vera-nice-ah. 

Been needin' a bit'o Xmas Cheer, Ah have for sure.

Tank-ye.