The Continuous Briny Fable

[DaveL]

...wonderful Shepherd's Pie, sending mashed potato flying everywhere.

Mmmmmm...'Floor Pie' said...

[Griffin NoName]

... Argos, the Robot Pirate, being at an early stage of language acquisition. "Soup poison" he continued and, picking up a large tub of pesticide, began to waddle his way towards the big pans, knocking over Sinhoff and leaving his.....

[Calico Jack]

....prostrate form lying in a puddle of hot soup that had spilled over on to floor.  The soup burned Sinhoff quite badly and he jumped up and ran around the kitchen screaming in agony.

Argos sensing the damage he had caused tried to help by thowing cold water over Sinhoff.  However he only contrived to make the situation worse as it was not Water that he emptied over Sinhoff it was....

[The Black Spot]

...a bucket of urban legend strength coca cola.

Sinhoff looked in horror as  the fizzy liquid began dissolving the wooden floor of the kitchen. It was doing exactly what Sinhoff had been told by his ex wife's youngest sister's best friend it would do.

Sinhoff flapped his wings madly to get rid of the foul, fizzy liquid. In desperation he picked up...

[Aphos]

...a copy of Comopolitan and began hitting Argos about the head and shoulders.  Sinhoff began yelling for Argos to grab the mop.  Argos' speach circuits being rather faulty thought he said "stab the cop".

So Argos picked up a butcher knife, ran outside, and looked for a policeman.  Seeing one at the corner, Argos ran toward him and...

[Black Bart]

...AAARRRGHSKED him the way to St Paul's cathedral for he had heard the bells were enormous thar.  The bobby looked in surprise at sinhof...blimey he said, a talkin bird, ye don't see many o them in our fine city, apart from blond ones from Essex with huge...

[Aphos]

...wheelbarrows filled with their belongings.

Meanwhile, Sinhoff was still hitting Argos' head with the magazine, yelling, "Not a cop, ye bucket o' bolts.  A mop!  A mop!"

At this point, Argos turned around and returned to the resturaunt, found the broom closet and pulled out a...

[Griffin NoName]

...Motor Operated Pink Amateur Moose On Prozac (bein as is neural learning centre ad never come across Mop A Mop before) an set it off on a wild goose chase across the kitchen. Sinhof, noticin the Mouse wer not professionally qualified, got old of the......

[Aphos]

...bucket from the kitchen.  It had several holes in it and leak badly.  So Sinhoff threw it into the alley behind the kitchen.

Here, a wandering sailor picked it up and took it back to his ship, where he used it to keep his pet rat in.  Now this was a very special rat, as it could dance a jig whenever it heard the boson play a tune on his pipes.

One day on deck...

[Black Bart]

...the sailor was calling for his pet whom he had named Ratty:

"Ratty, Ratty"..."I know I know," said the ship's Captain patting the sailor on the back, "We all get a highly strung after a long voyage with only biscuits and urine to consume...scupper me skiff, look at that a nice juicy Rat..." and with that the Captain grabbed poor Ratty and threw him into the cooking pot!"

The sailor was heart broken but he hadn't had a good meal since he'd consumed a plate of Big Ron's Cumberland sausages back in Portsmouth.  The crew enjoyed the Rat stew and sat round the Capstan singing Shanties and letting off enormous...

[The Black Spot]

...fireworks in celebration. They were celebrating because the cook had discovered an unopened bottle of rum in the bilge.

The crew sat in a circle around the bottle. The Cap'n had his tankard in his hand as he looked around at the crew.

"Which o' ye dogs wants some o' this rum?" he thundered.

Everyone shook their heads furiously.

"Good," said the Captain. He opened the bottle, and just as he was about to pour it into his tankard, a crewman ran forward, grabbed the bottle from the Cap'n and glugged it all down...

[beagle]

... There was an unearthly silence, punctuated only by a "hic!" and the noise of teeth being ground. Most of the crew could not recollect seeing the captain such a shade of puce since a young crewman (sadly now deceased) had dropped a cannon (not canon) ball on his foot.
To everyone's astonishment the captain did not explode however, but mastered his rage, and quietly poured himself a large gin from the concealed flask in his wooden leg.
The crew meanwhile sat wondering. What power did this crewman have over the captain, and was it related to his owning a camera with powerful zoom lens? It was clearly time for a discreet search of his cabin, thought the boatswain, sneaking away from the group, a fire-axe in his hand...

[Black Bart]

..the Captain's parrot 'Sinhof'(for it was he)gave the game away by shreiking:
"Careful with yer chopper, careful with yer chopper"
The boatswain explained he was off to chop up some timber for the galley, cursing sinhof under his breath. He crept down to the crews quarters. En route he noticed Brian the ship's plumber who was busy installing a Water Closet in the Captain's cabin. Spotting the boatswain Brian shouts:
"Can I borrow yer chopper for a minute? - I'm havin a spot of bother with me U Bend." The Boatswain scoffed:
"YYAARRR...the last time you got yer hands on me chopper ye got it wedged in your Faucet!"
Brian scowled: "Give us that chopper or I'll show me monkey wrench right up yer...

[beagle]

...non-return valve. Axeless, the boatswain continued his ever-downward trip to the luxury, non-view, single-occupancy, compact, stateroom where he hoped the crewman had hidden the secrets of his bizarre hold over the captain.

...

[Black Bart]

As the boatswain continued downward he heard Brian the pumber shout arter him...
"Call that an axe...I've seen bigger choppers on a..."