Scurvy Disciplinary Board

[Griffin NoName]

The Board has been closed for renovations.

All previous cases are dismissed. The double jeopardy indemnity will however be waved and old cases may be re-opened at the discretion of the Board. Applications to be made in triplicate to The Court Recorder. 

There will be a formal re-opening for inspection of the new Court furnishings. Complaints may not be upheld.

Please convene in an orderly fashion and enter in single file. Do not crowd The Judge.

[Calico Jack]

Sir Ronald Siegfried Algernon Humphrey Ethelred Winston Whistlecock sat in his chair and addressed the public gallery who had all gathered waiting for the next case to commence.

"The Court will reconvene shortly and I will be the presiding judge.  I would like to remind prosecutors, defenders, members of the jury and memebrs of the public not to mention the scurvy vermin that regularly disrupted proceedings in the past that I will not tolerate any delays or time wasting whilst I am in charge.  Now my chambers need a coat of paint where are those blasted decorators"

At this point Sir Ronald Siegfried Algernon Humphrey Ethelred Winston Whislecock left the chambers.

In the public gallery Dave L turned to The Black Spot and sighed "This blaggard is trouble, we'll have our work cut out not to end up on the wrong end of a hangman's noose"....

[Bluenose]

Sir Ronald Siegfried Algernon Humphrey Ethelred Winston Whistlecock returned to the bench.  The Clerk of the Court exclaimed "All rise!"

"Now Mr Clerk of the Court," Sir Ronald said "read the charges for the first case, if you please."

The Clerk of the Court picked up some papers off his desk and proceeded "M'lud, the first case this morning is case number 23,967,463a, part II, subsection 23 - In the matter of the Scurvy Fleet versus Black Bart, it is alleged that Black Bart has gone AWOL on or about the 23 September and has not reported for duty since."

Sir Ronald asked "Am I to understand that Mr Bart is not present in court?"

"No he is not M'lud"

"Very well, we shall proceed to trial with with the defendant in absentia.  Mr Prosecuter, if you please..."

[Griffin NoName]

"Objection M'Lud!!!" came a scream in a high pitched voice.

Everyone turned around and stared at a strangely dressed female personage who had entered at the back of the court. She was wearing filthy rags and clutching several carrier bags. Sir Ronald Siegfried Algernon Humphrey Ethelred Winston Whistlecock peered over the rim of his spectacles at the spectacle and gave her a silent glare that would be enough to frighten anyone but Madam Judge Prucilla Cleopatra Fox-Terrier Stonehart, JD, MBE, DVD, RPM, EdX.

"M'Lud. There is an error. The aforementioned date being the 23rd (of September) [for this was a Lady who could talk in brackets] has been erroneously copied to the subsection. I doubt the subsection is number 23. I doubt it very much."

Sir Ronald Siegfried Algernon Humphrey Ethelred Winston Whistlecock beckoned the Court Recorder. Fifteen minutes passed while they whispered and the court became restless.

Eventually Sir Ronald Siegfried Algernon Humphrey Ethelred Winston Whistlecock called order in the court and announced "The subsection was numbered in error. It has been corrected. It now subsection 2233. Proceed. Bring out the Prisoner."

Someone shouted "Throw her out". Someone else shouted "There is no Prisoner." Another shouted "He's lost his marbles". Sir Ronald Siegfried Algernon Humphrey Ethelred Winston Whistlecock thundered "Court adjourned until 2 p.m."

[Calico Jack]

Sir Ronald Siegfried Algernon Humphrey Ethelred Winston Whistlecock stood up he was very angry "I am not going to tolerate any more interruptions to court proceedings, is that clear"

There as complete silence in court except for the sound of a pencil being sharpened by the clerk of the court. "I said no noise" said the judge hurling a cutlass across the courtroom where it neatly removed the clerk's head. "Now prosecutor present your case against Black Bart and no more time wasting".

[Calico Jack]

"I be the prosecutor" said a skinny figure wearing a black robe and trainers

"And you are" said Sir Ronald Siegfried Algernon Humphrey Ethelred Winston Whistlecock

"I be Calico Jack formerly known as Walk the Plank when I was a vicious murdering blaggard. But I be a law abiding citizen now and I as joined the Scurvy Fleet as its Prosecuting Counsel"

"OK OK I do not want your life history" sighed Sir Ronald Siegfried Algernon Humphrey Ethelred Winston Whistlecock "Read the charges against Black Bart"

"Well e as gone missing" said Calico Jack

"Oh someone please help me, another imbecile is in my midst" said Sir Ronald Siegfried Algernon Humphrey Ethelred Winston Whistlecock "Going missing as such is not an offence, please explain why this is such a serious charge"

"Well e pinhed me Rum and poisoned me crew with is Fish Head Stew" said Calico Jack

"No no you cannot charge him with that" said Sir Ronald Siegfried Algernon Humphrey Ethelred Winston Whistlecock "Don't you see that this is a confict of interest the offence was committed against yourself and you are the prosector".

Sir Ronald Siegfried Algernon Humphrey Ethelred Winston Whistlecock then conferred with his counsel and then said to the court "Please listen carefully this is very importnant. I understand Black Bart has been seen recently in old pirate territories" he said "If he presents himself to this court within 48 hours all charges will be dropped, Court Adjourned"

Sir Ronald Siegfried Algernon Humphrey Ethelred Winston Whistlecock then left the Courtroom. Dave L then turned to The Black Spot and whispered "Good work Spot, we have our man as Prosecuting Counsel and Bart only needs to show up at Court and he will be freed, our plan is working perfectly".

[Black Bart]

If I sends the court a photo of meself in the dock from the last time ye tried to hang me...will that suffice yer honour?

[Griffin NoName]

"No way" said Sir Ronald Siegfried Algernon Humphrey Ethelred Winston Whistlecock, dropping his posh voice so as Bart would understand he meant what he said. "All yer picters be just clones. That not be evidence" - talking pirate to emphasise the seriousness of the issue.

Sir Ronald Siegfried Algernon Humphrey Ethelred Winston Whistlecock gave an order to the clerk to send out the bailifs to take posession of Bart's peg leg immediately.

[Black Bart]

YYYAAARRRR ye blaggards...that makes me hopping mad!

(hopping...peg leg...get it!)

[Bluenose]

Sir Ronald Siegfried Algernon Humphrey Ethelred Winston Whistlecock looked up at Bart "For that remark Mr bart, you can spend seven days in the stocks down at the quayside.  Seargant at Arms!  Take the prisoner away and lock him in the main stock.  Bring him back here this time next week."

Sir Ronald Siegfried Algernon Humphrey Ethelred Winston Whistlecock looked through his papers and said "Clerk of the court, next case please..."

[Calico Jack]

A seven-year-old cabin boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over whom should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his Father ship captain The Black Spot and the judge Sir Ronald Siegfried Algernon Humphrey Ethelred Winston Whistlecock initially awarded custody to the boy's Uncle Dave L, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the maximum degree possible.

The cabin boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his Uncle Dave L beat him more than his Father and he adamantly refused to live with him.

When the judge Sir Ronald Siegfried Algernon Humphrey Ethelred Winston Whistlecock then suggested that he live with his godfather Black Bart, the boy cried out that he also beat him viciously.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them as is common within the pirate fraternity; the judge Sir Ronald Siegfried Algernon Humphrey Ethelred Winston Whistlecock took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge Sir Ronald Siegfried Algernon Humphrey Ethelred Winston Whistlecock granted temporary custody to the England Football team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

[Black Bart]

YYYAAARRRR I move that Calicaloooloooo Jack be strung up for tellin corny jokes on a Wednesday in a built up area!

[Griffin NoName]

I move that Calicoco Jack inform the court the country through which the widest part of the river Euphlaminidiot flows. If appen e can't then chuck im to the fishes.

[DaveL]

Oi didn't beats 'im yer honour.

Oi was just explanin' ot the lads how to defend yerself durin' a sea raid. The cabin boy, bein a helpful lad volunteered to be part of the demonstration.

[Black Bart]

Oh Crikey Dave...don't mention Cabin Boys again or we'll all be in the dock!!!!!!