Ask Aunty Black Robe

[The Black Spot]

Dear Cap'n Paracetamol

Sorry to hear about your yer friend's unfortunate accident.

Just make sure that ye he doesn't listen to any o' that Motaaarrrhead 'ead bangin' music. The consequences on a crowded dance floor be too terrible to contemplate.

Yours

Cap'n Fluff Freeman

[Black Bart]

Dear Auntie Blackrobes

I be an honest seafarin Pirate who aint got nothin to do with recent mutinous behaviour whats been a goin on.  Would ye loik to buy some nice stew?

Yours Capn Jamie Oliver

[Aphos]

Dear Cap'n Jamie...

Arn HONEST pirate.  Me thinks you air a disgrace to all of piratin'.  Nobody trust arn honest pirate.

A Concern'd Pirate

[Griffin NoName]

Dear Cap'n Jamie

Oi bet yer stew be too thick ter suck through any railins.

Lord Lord Lord Cap'n Treadmill-Boris

[Black Bart]

Dear Lord Lord Lord Cap'n Treadmill-Boris

Ye clearly be the product of a public school and aint never loikly to eat no stew. I successfully distributed Redde Cowwe pies to the local heducation Hauthority but only for use as door stops!

Yours Capn pie squasher. 

[anthrobabe]

Dear Wise Ones

I been recently banned from navigatin tha ship doing to tha fact I wuz head banging to Mega Death (the #1 poirate heavy band o all times!) and we almost went aground in tha Caspian Sea. Althogh we didna go aground some o the poirates soiled their codpieces and our poor wee cabin boy- Swabbers- fell out o the crows nest and is now sportin a goodish lump on 'is noggin. He be seein only double today so 'e is improvin- the barber suposes he won't be passin on anyway.

What could I be a doin to regains the trust o me shipmates and me captain?

truly yours

Saucy Gert Pettigrew ( I been moonlightin on the side so I be obliged ifin ya don't snitch me out at the Benebow)

[The Black Spot]

Dear Cap'n Saucy

It be soundin' like ye've hacked yer crew right off.

There be only one solution. Hang yer cook. I finds this always be a great morale booster.

Yours

Cap'n Popular-But-Starving

[Aggie]

Dear Cap'n Popular:

Oi've a special treat for ye, on behalf o' the Galley Guild.  Goes by the name o' Cleaver Surprise...
Ye can 'ave a Banana Split wit' crushed nuts for dessert.

Doc Choppy

[Black Bart]

Hang yer cook. I finds this always be a great morale booster.

Dear Cap'n Popular-But-Starving

Are there any members of your crew that avoid the long drop due to their indispensibility and value to the crew and ship (apart from yerself o course)?

Yours Capn Judge Jeffries

[The Black Spot]

Dear Auntie Bathrobe

Morale on me ship be a bit low, an me cook's done a runner.

How do I catch the bastid?

Yours

Cap'n Queeg

[anthrobabe]

Dear Cap'n Queeg,

Ye shud ave nailed is peg leg to the deck long afore now.

Ifin 'e made is ashore in Tahiti then ye mightent no ketch 'im.

An whomever be a servin the vittles nowins migh' best be wearin notin under 'is kilt as it might distract from the poor grub till ye can getst a newwish cook.


sorry I been a no 'elp

Saucy Gert Pettigrew

[Griffin NoName]

Dear Cap'n Queeg

Yer wanna check wevver which appen first. Mebbe yer crew be missin the cookin. Did e leave anyfin on ther boil? Yer culd pour it over em that'd liven em up.

Lord Cap'n Count von Delia-Treadmill

[DaveL]

Dear Aunty Blackrobe,

As yet we have not bin plagued by cross-thread-itis. Do yer think it will last?


Koind Regards,

Capn Straight Laced

[Black Bart]

Dear Capn Straight Laced

I think there be a general ban on innuendo what with this bein a monastry an all...

Oy, brother Carlos...careful with that enormous church candle ye nearly stuck it right up me...

Yours Capn Broken Vows

[Calico Jack]

Help me, me First Mate as run off with me wench. I really miss him, what shall I do?