Ask Aunty Black Robe

[DaveL]

Dear Aunty,

That Captains Delight mob sure an ingenius bunch of marketers. First they come out with standard stuff. Now it's this blooming Captains delight XO.

But those blaggards don't fool me or my committee!

I know it's because that school is bleeding hard, cause of all the fines they've incurred.

Serves themselves right.

Kind Regards,

Mrs Primrose Postlethwaite OBE
President
R.W.U.C.T.A. (Right Wing Upper Class Twit Association)

[Bluenose]

Oi!  Yer big fat scragger, Dear Mrs Postlethwaite,

Auntie Black Beard telled me abowt yer rant referred your inquiry to me.  You shuld shut yer filthy mouth We have taken your comments under advisement.  Them blaggards from the Council an the Ministery of Health an the Constabulary have been right baskits lately It is true that PPPS has incured some legal penalties recently, so what, we be makin more munny than ye can jump over but we are managing to keep our heads above water.

Ter shut ye up As a token of our appreciation for your concern we wish to offer you a bribe a gift of a case of
Captain's Delight XO each for you and yer ugly mates your good self and your commitee.

Now p*ss of an leave us alone Thank you for you inquiry,

Or oi'll stick ye wiv me cutlass Yours sincerely

Cap'n Bluenose
Distillery Master

[DaveL]

Dear Aunty BR,

That Stillmaster has been over practising his use of strikethrough characters.

We the concerned citizens R.W.U.C.T.A. are dead against it. Perversion of the Kings grammar should be banned instantly. Myself and the ladies of Portsmouth are signing a petition to have such practices banned.

We are also organising a protest outside that dastardly Public School this Friday to stamp out vice, bad grammar and evil.

Praise the Lord!

Mrs Primrose Postlethwaite OBE
President
R.W.U.C.T.A. (Right Wing Upper Class Twit Association)

[DaveL]

Dear Primrose,

Bugger Off! Concern noted. See you at the rally.

Love Aunty BR

[Bluenose]

Dear Auntie Black Label,

Oi bin ahearin that them stuck up wowsers from the R.W.U.C.T.A. be plannin an protest ousyde the PPPS gates on Saturd'y.  Oi 'ave made arrangerments fer the boys from the seniour class ter be on guard and they bin issued wiv live ammo jest incase.

Now since this be a busy toime fer the lads, Oi wuld really rather that they did not 'ave ter leave their posts in the distillery ter man the ramparts.  Ow much Captain's Delight XO d'yer think we wuld need ter "leave" outside the schoole gates on Saturd'y ter avoid the need fer a confruntashun?

Your Repeckful Servant

Cap'n Bluenose
Stillmaster, Portsmouth Pirate Public School

[DaveL]

Dear Aunty,

As we have not heard from you for over 5 months, we presume that RWUCTA's abduction of ye is going well.

We kept scanning RRR-Tube for hostage videos of ye? Was that you with the hood on, seated at a chair next to 4 well-to-do looking ladies?

The signs saying 'Ban Vice at PPPs' looked extremely snazzy, BTW!

Are there any plans for a release date?

Any terms and conditions attached?

We can arrange for the unmarked dubloons, if they so desire.

Kind Regards,

Mr Berty McCracken
President
Concerned Citizens of Portsmouth

[Griffin NoName]

Dear Aunty

Don't worry. We have got Mr Berty Mc Cracken now. He won't be troubling anyone again. We knows ye be enjoying the Rest Home and the last thing ye want is rescuing.

Best Bitter an all that.

Freddy Big-Fists

[nefyuBB]

Deer anty bakrub ,

i iz heer noaw
et tookd long tyme ta fine ya
if yu has a picktour ove yerseff
et wood bin ezsir
an not so harrd

yer nefyu BB

[DaveL]

Dear Nefyuu,

If you want to see a picture of me. See Playbilge edition XXLIII dated May 1674.

Time (and gravity) do take their toll you know.

[Bluenose]

Deer Arntie Blackpudding,

Oi bin laid up in sick bay fer the last ten days or so wiv plastik tubes stiken in me arme an Oi be gettin a moight tetchy.  Haven't 'ad even wun gallon o' rum since they hadmitted me.  Kin yer send sum o' the boys round ter make a distraction wiv matron so Oi kin get Smiggins from the PPS Advance Distilling class ter slip me in sum o' the goode stuff?

Cap'n (dry as a chip) Bluenose

[Griffin NoName]

Dear Cap'n Bluenose

'ave ye tried sukkin on them h'anti-septic wipes? There shuld be plenty arouwnd.

Yers Truly
Auntie Blackrobe

[DaveL]

Dear Aunty BB,

Lately I've had an addition problem, sucking on antispetic wipes. You see my alcohol has run out and I'll do anythin' to get a whiff of the alcohol/

Should I just save up and buy a nice bottle of wine instead?

Yours,

Percy Halfpint

[Griffin NoName]

Dear Percy Halfpint

That's plain disgustin'.

Yers
Aunty Blackrobe

[nefyuBB]

deer anty backrub,

now i gunna make sum
banana gutz pye !
how much shud i sell et fur a bite ?

yer nefyoo BB

[DaveL]

Dear Nefyu,

You can sell as many as ye like. As long as ye give me a bite (or four) first.

Love Aunty