Ye Pentagram of Avalon

[Griffin]

Oi wer sailin off the coast o Cornwall an Oi spied this small island covered in trees bearing many apples.

Me crew bein fed up ter the back teef (them as ad any) wiv maggot stew (Oi can't afford fish-heads an maggits are free)persuaded me to sail towards it.

As we got closer in, a strange feelin came over us an the ship wer driven along by sum strange force. Oi got out me sextant and compass an set ter werk.

Oi cross-refrensed me findins wiv me ancient Capn's Oi-Spy Book an ter me orror Oi observed that they were identical wiv this :

and when the wind changed it looked like this We wer mysteriously beein spun along the lines of a Pentagram surroundin the Island.

It wer a grait feelin ter tick off the Pentagram of Avolon in me Capn's Oi-Spy Book but Oi didn't av time to crow abawt it fer me crew were wailin. It seemed, once wun sailed inter the Pentagram, one was doomed ter sail it fer ever.

Bein as Oi am not one ter give up easy, Oi thawt abawt this fer five minits after me usual daily rum.

Oi looked back at all the rumours, gossip and stuff Oi'd ever eard. Oi remembered wun Cap'n commentin ow as we spend a lot of time on land, or at Madam Fifi's, sum of us even gettin called landlubbers.

Oi realised Oi ad found the perfect place ter ang out at sea. Ther ship steers itself, the crew salivate over the apples which keeps em from anythin wurse. Oi will be able to balance me life so as no one can call me a landlubber ever again.

Oi jest need ter find a way out wen Oi feels the need ter visit Madam Fifi's. Or mabbe them apples be a good sign? Oi once erd about a bloke had an exctin time wiv an apple and a girl.

Oi be workin on a plan ter charge any Cap'n enterin the Pentagram - but oi's afeard they might discover it befor Oi get's me Congestion Charging Zone Ship Database and CCTV cameras up an runnin.

Thers sum annoyin nob, calls imself Arthur, been chuckin paper airoplanes at me ship from the island. Most drop in the oceon, but one or two land on the deck. The last wun read "Portsmouth -> that way. We dont want your nasty diseases here. Skuttle. Scram. On the Order of His Majesty. Sorry old chap but there it is. Yours, Arthur."

AAAAAArrrrrrrgh!!  Tis a fine time we be avin at sea.

[Black Bart]

YYYAAARRRRR, that be all very well Capn Griffin me hearty...but as ye not thought of simply tellin yer crew a good old fashioned joke, er loik these chinese proverbs what had me hentire crew in stitches:

"Man who stand on toilet is high on pot."

"Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement."

"Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs."

They only stopped laughin arter I lowered the pistols!

[Griffin]

Gaaaaaarrrgh! Oi as pricipulls. Oi'd never tell bad jokes ter anywun salivatin - health n saifety azzard - common cause of chokin ter deth. In fact, if yer want bad jokes Oi'd apply to the SDC fer yer release but I bet it's a life sentence.

Now Oi's offerin a top excellent stunning rip-off "You-Call-Me-A-Landlubber" package ere. Inclusive of sailin aroud in a sacred voyage with no woerk. An yer can be straight an onest when yer S/O phones up and tell em yer too busy goin round in circles. Lash a cine camera ter the mast and take it ome as proof.

Wot givs me anuvver idea. We'have had grass-cam, we've had tortoise-cam, now it's time fer woevil-cam. Buy in our optional exta "Woevil-Cam" Packcage and we'll send yer the crittur an instructions on ow ter get the best shots and the sorts of activity many of our customers want to capture.

NOte to Customers: 0.0001% of our profit goes ter Scumsoft. This does not buy you any rights; quite the opposite.

[DaveL]

YArrrr...

Hate to change the subject matey, but why is Goat Starer in the middle of yer pentagram?

[Black Bart]

I think I knows the answer to that one...

Goat be tryin to conjure up the evil one to help him beat Kiyoodle's score on Tetris!!!!

Bwa..Ha,ha,ha!

[Griffin NoName]

Oi bin worryin bout that Goat Starer too. Could e be the Patron Saint of the Pentagram of Avalon?