Pyratical Christmas Party Games

[Griffin NoName]

Let's start with the Christmas Quiz.

Sample Question and Answer

Q.How big is the most buxom lady to be found at Madam Fifi's?
A.Too big to fit in a cracker.

Get the feel of it. Join in and I'm sure you'll all do well.

I'll start with three really easy questions:

Q1.During the Christmas season, what is the best way to get a surly bored over-fed cabin boy to join in the fun and games.

Q2.During the last year, how many countries (including Sovereign States) have refused to import Bart's Fishe-Heade Stewwe?

Q3.What is the best way to eat Christmas Pudding, brandy butter, and brandy sauce, bearing in mind there may be the odd dubloon or two inside the pudding. Please justify your anwsers. (a) cutlass (b) hook (c) tooth-pick (d) other

[Black Bart]

Q1.During the Christmas season, what is the best way to get a surly bored over-fed cabin boy to join in the fun and games.

Answer: Jean Simmons

Q2.During the last year, how many countries (including Sovereign States) have refused to import Bart's Fishe-Heade Stewwe?

Answer: Jean Simmons

Q3.What is the best way to eat Christmas Pudding, brandy butter, and brandy sauce, bearing in mind there may be the odd dubloon or two inside the pudding. Please justify your anwsers. (a) cutlass (b) hook (c) tooth-pick (d) other

Answer: d. Jean Simmons

[The Black Spot]

Q1.During the Christmas season, what is the best way to get a surly bored over-fed cabin boy to join in the fun and games.

A swift size 11 up the arse o' his trousers, followed by a game of "Hunt the Playstation".

Q2.During the last year, how many countries (including Sovereign States) have refused to import Bart's Fishe-Heade Stewwe?

All of 'em except one, an we expect the revolution to take place there any day now.

Q3.What is the best way to eat Christmas Pudding, brandy butter, and brandy sauce, bearing in mind there may be the odd dubloon or two inside the pudding. Please justify your anwsers. (a) cutlass (b) hook (c) tooth-pick (d) other

Considerin' the searin' heat that be generated by the lit barrel o' rum that me cook pours over the puddin, I suggests (d) wi' a coal shovel. The dubloons not be a problem as they would've melted anyway.

'Eres some more

Q4.You fall out of the Admiral Benbow, only to be greeted by a group of Carol Singers collecting for good causes. What do you give them?

Q5.After all the presents have been given out, one big interesting parcel remains under the tree. Unfortunately, the name tag's fell off of it and so noone knows who it's for. Who gets it?

Q6. Your cabin boy is upset because there isn't a fairy on top of the Christmas Tree. How do you cheer him up?

[Aggie]

Q4.You fall out of the Admiral Benbow, only to be greeted by a group of Carol Singers collecting for good causes. What do you give them?

A4.Change 'o name forms. 'Tis no reason they all have to be called Carol, and sharin' surnames is confusin'.

Q5.After all the presents have been given out, one big interesting parcel remains under the tree. Unfortunately, the name tag's fell off of it and so noone knows who it's for. Who gets it?

A5.Open it up and share 'em around... any interestin' looking parcel saved for last is always socks, and if it's large there should be plenty.


Q6. Your cabin boy is upset because there isn't a fairy on top of the Christmas Tree. How do you cheer him up?

A6.Stick 'im on top o' the tree.

[Bluenose]

Q7. Your first mate has been given the latest Scumsoft combined hand-held navigation, sea-shanty player and cell-semaphore unit and all you got was a lousy macrame hook cover - how do you get the blaggard to hand it over?

Q8. After dividing the Christmas pudding amongst your crew there's one piece left - how do you decide who gets it?

Q9. Your cabin boy looks like he's had a few too many pre-Christmas dinner egg noggs, what do you give him to make him feel better?

[Black Bart]

Q6. Your cabin boy is upset because there isn't a fairy on top of the Christmas Tree. How do you cheer him up?

Alternative answer:

Point out to him that a large bag o chocolate dubloons ave fallen to the bottom of the tree and wait til he bends over ta pick em up...

Q7. Your first mate has been given the latest Scumsoft combined hand-held navigation, sea-shanty player and cell-semaphore unit and all you got was a lousy macrame hook cover - how do you get the blaggard to hand it over?

Promote him to ship's primary Lookout and tell him ye'll look arter his toys whilst he's balancin precariously in the crows nest in a Force 11 hurricane.

Q8. After dividing the Christmas pudding amongst your crew there's one piece left - how do you decide who gets it?

YYYAAARRR if it be anything loik our cook's Xmas pud we old our pistols to the head of the cook and make him eat it!

Q9. Your cabin boy looks like he's had a few too many pre-Christmas dinner egg noggs, what do you give him to make him feel better?

YYYAARRR he be still bendin over tryin to get at the chocolate dubloons...

[The Black Spot]

Q10. Your ship has been becalmed for weeks.  There's nothing left to drink but urine or Cherry Coca Cola. Who gets what?

Q11.The Bishop Of Southwark pays you an unexpected visit on Christmas Eve. Where's a good place to take him?

Q13. You put up some Christmas decorations in the bilge to cheer up the prisoners down there. Do you add the cost of this to their ransoms?

[Griffin NoName]

Q10. Your ship has been becalmed for weeks.  There's nothing left to drink but urine or Cherry Coca Cola. Who gets what?

No one gets anything. The Christmas spirit means we all go together when we go. Davy Jones Locker has extra special Christmas decorations this year.

Q11.The Bishop Of Southwark pays you an unexpected visit on Christmas Eve. Where's a good place to take him?

ToysRus.

Q13. You put up some Christmas decorations in the bilge to cheer up the prisoners down there. Do you add the cost of this to their ransoms?

Yaaaaaaar and the labour costs.

Q14. Your parrot drinks too much mulled wine. How do you stop him puking on yer shoulder?

Q15. The Scurvy Disciplinary Board are coming for Christmas dinner. How many dubloons do ye put in the Chrtistmas pudding?

Q16. Scumsoft invite yer ter take up their special Christmas offer. What is it?

[Black Bart]

Q11.The Bishop Of Southwark pays you an unexpected visit on Christmas Eve. Where's a good place to take him?

Alternative answer:

For god's sake don't leave him with yer cabin boy!!!


Q14. Your parrot drinks too much mulled wine. How do you stop him puking on yer shoulder?

Ans: You forgot the Turkey again, so stick a spit up his arse and roast him gently at gas mark 4 for two hours...don't forget the stuffing.

Q15. The Scurvy Disciplinary Board are coming for Christmas dinner. How many dubloons do ye put in the Chrtistmas pudding?

Ans: YYYAARRR make sure Pirgella's there to serve her own Puddings, that'll cheer the miserable lot up! It always works for me.

Q16. Scumsoft invite yer ter take up their special Christmas offer. What is it?

Ans: USB Grog warmer tankard...simply plug into your computer while you are attempting to reboot your hard disk for the 70th time and you'll have a lovely tankard of mulled grog. Made from 100% recycled spittoons. 

Only 40 dubloons a month for 4 years.

(Scumsoft accept no responsibility for injury or death due to electrocution resulting from misuse of the tankard).