Ye Pirate Pantomime

[Calico Jack]

It looks like that Brenderella is the winner so here is a list of all the cast with the proposed pirates against each role.  There is no rhyme and reason to how I have done this so if any of you want to swap roles than go ahead.  However, I would like to say that I think Black Bart is well cast as one of the ugly sisters.

Brenderella

Proposed Cast List

Brenderella -      Dave L
Prince -       Bluenose
Fairy Godmother -    Calico Jack
King -         No Name
Queen -         Alpaca
Stepmother -      Goatstarer
Coachman -       Kiyoodle the Gambrinous
Footman -       Beagle
Ugly Sister 1 -      Black Bart
Ugly Sister 2 -    The Black Spot

As mentioned before it will take 4 or 5 of us to write the play so as soon as we have agreed the cast I will post how I think we should do this and invite your comments.

[Black Bart]

YYYYAAARRR I be agreein with ye thar and I thinks ye be well cast as a Fairy!!!!

[DaveL]

YArrrr...

Never moind Calico Jack, you're not the only one!

[The Black Spot]

Arrr... we still be needin' a member o' the fairer sex t' play Buttons. Be there any volunteers?

[Bluenose]

Oi reckon ye kud ave me cabin boy, Tommie, e be prittie fair, iffen Oi ken get im off the Cyclops Fire Truck wot e stole from me new still.  (Oi never did werke out wot it woz four)  'E be aard ter beat at pin-ball too!

Cap'n Bluenose

[Griffin NoName]

Ow bigs me crown?

[Black Bart]

YYYYAARRRR...it be Big...but not as Big as Brenderella's!

Is it toim fer a dress rehearsal...I be tryin out me Ugly Sister outfit at 'The Admiral Benbow'...to get into character.

[Bluenose]

Yaarrr,

That be foine, but Oi aint kissin DavL evun if 'e be wearing twenty dresses (loike that time down at the Hero o Waterloo...)

Cap'n Bluenose

[DaveL]

YArrrr...

The things we do to get a lead role. Oi wuz way to hairy and ugly to sit on the casting couch. Oi had to...erm...how shall we say...'cross over to the dark side' to get some recognishun of me foine talents.

See yers at rehearsals!

YArr!

[Griffin NoName]

Me dressin room be too small an Oi objects ter sharin it. Oi be givin in me notice unless it be sorted. Oi wants ther large room next ter Brenderella's wiv ther 'idden door.

[Black Bart]

Now that's what I call ironic...a HIDDEN door for Brenda!!!!! Be loik leavin a hidden door for King Kong!

[The Black Spot]

It's a full house in the Portsmouth Civic Centre for tonights performance. The house lights dim, and its

CURTAIN UP


Interior. The sub basement of Madame Fifi's. Brenderella is scrubbing out the fireplace.

Brenderella: Oh woe is me. Such drudgery!

Enter the Ugly sisters. Ugly sister 1 looks suspiciously like a decrepid lecherous old soak dressed up, while ugly sister 2 looks a fine strapping specimen who obviously had to use lots of make up to look as bad as Bart the other one.

Ugly Sister 1: Get on wi' it yer lazy swab. An' when ye's finished that, ye has to wax Madame Fifi's collection o' special outfits (points towards large pile of gas masks, bicycle inner tubes and thigh length flippers).

Ugly Sister 2 (eating a punnet of fish heads): Gah! I's never met anyone so lazy. I's bin waitin' over an hour fer her to wipe me...

[Black Bart]

...best pumkins. They be all covered in soot since that blaggard Buttons tried to sweep the chimney with his...

[Calico Jack]

Message to Bart this a play not another version of the Briny tale.

[Calico Jack]

CUE LOUD DRAMATIC MUSIC

At this point there was a loud noise from above and a very old lady descended into the basement. She was as ugly as a rhinosauras chewing a wasp. She was blind as well, bearing in mind her first words to the ugly sisters are:

Stepmother: Oh how are you my beautiful girls

Ugly Sister 2: We be fine but this lazy cow as burnt me Fish Head Stew.

The Stepmother waddled around to Brenderella and gave her a swipe around the face with her Cutlass blade.

Blood filled the room from Brenderella deep wound, however The Stepmother completly ignored the stricken girl as she only had eyes for the two sisters.

Stepmother: Now my beautiful girls listen, The King has made an announcement...