Missy Melissa's Piratical Unisex Fashion Column and Personal Tips

[anthrobabe]

Dear Missy M

Oi be writin on be'alf o a good frend 'oo 'as towld me yer tips 'n fashun columm 'as bin 'ijacked by a bad man.

A Well Wisher

im who ell remain unnamed DaveL ain bad
jus drewn that way
at lease tha turkey bastin ain stated bak up

i likes the flours in tha shelds look -


oi've a qwestin?
bout lady unmentionables

wif or wif out dem wire fingies? ye knows the bits that supposd to make fings perky like but after a warsh or 3 jus poke atcha. does one ave to wears em? is is unladielike to not wear em?

sincerely

Saucy Gert
(oh an do sizin matters-- I be a 38DD ifin it makes a different matter an all)

[Griffin NoName]

Dear Saucy Gert

'Em wire bits be a curse wot bin invented by ther washin' macheen manifacturs. Ye'll 'av no dowt noticed 'ow menee be missin' arter a good washin'. Aaargh!! They be foulin' yer macheen an 'appen ye'll be forkin' owt fer a new wun.

But tek 'eart me deary. Ye stik wiv 'em wale bownes an ye'll be foine; especial if'n ye get a frend ter put 'is foot in yer bakk an' tug 'ard wen ye be lacin' yersel' in. Ye be wantin' a good sized man if'n ye knoes wot Oi meen, wot wiv ye bein' a 388EE an all (downt fret yersel' deary, we get lowds writin' in ter us wot clame ter be a dubble D luvvy).

MM

[Griffin NoName]

Dear Missy

'ow d' yer tell a frend 'e needs ter do 'is buttons up befor 'e frytens little kiddies?

A concerned citizen

Ps. This be a pciktoor o' 'im tekken by a zoom lenz from Portsmouth Arbor.

[DaveL]

Dear Missy Melissa,

Oi wuz wunderin if ye had any tips for this impendin Autumnal fashions. O'ive bin havin trubbles swappin me summer pinks for sumthin fawn or orange.

Do ye think Oi should lash out and get a new pair of high heels, for next time Oi get me shore pass stamped?

[Opsa]

DaveL, Oi hopes you still gots them beige heels, as Oi fink they'd go noice with a fawn outfit. Dare to be ecru.

MM- everyone sez my striped stockings are so last season. Oi sez they are classical-loik. Who's roight and who shall Oi run through next time they open their lily-livered gob?

[Bluenose]

_mmmmm-Oim-_mmmmm-not-_mmmmm-sayin-_mmmmm-nuffin-_mmmmm

[Griffin NoName]

Dear DaveL

Try Missus Polly Porter-Stuff's Boutique for the best fawn and orange collectiun. 'An remember ye cannot 'ave too menny stilettos (not forgetting the wun down yer stockin' (not striped)).

Yours
MM

[DaveL]

Dear Missy,

Oi forgot to add that Oi shuld be gettin a new autumn hat. Do ye have the name of a good Portsmouth Milliner? One that make more than just tricorn hats wuld be a start!

[Griffin NoName]

Dear DaveL

I send all my boys to SHATS.R.US. - they do a fine line in sailors hats. Ye'll find em at the rear of the Benbow.

Yours
MM

[DaveL]

YArrrrr...

Oi heard that some of their frilly hats are crap. No idea why!