Piratical Vacation Permission Commission Board

[Griffin NoName]

Oi be noticin Cap'ns going AWOL wivout clearing it wiv the PVPCB.

All vacations must be pre-arranged and only valid reasons will be acceptable. This includes any abscenses for more than 4 hours up to two years, after which responsibility will be handed over to Davy L Jones.

In the event of unforeseeable absence yer better hav a roight goode proper reason.

Disobeyment will be met with, Yaaaaaaar, that be the scary bit, ye'll foind out as and if and when.

All Capn's must apply in full for any of their crew's abscenses and be able to account for their movements.

I ereby give notis I shall be abscent fer 19 hrs 6 mins and .0003 seconds due to a nasty squall. I shall be takin me cutlass wiv me as it be needed so don't even bother tryin to nick it.

[Sibling Chatty]

Oi shall be absent for approxymately 2 days, as Oi hev a hearin' wif th' Loife Sciences Board of one o' them foine Hinstitutions of Higher Heducation who are troin' to hasceraine th' egzakt nature of th' Fittnesse Drinke whot Oi hev Obtained for the Poirate Monastical Footy Team.

It seems ter be effishint as a lantern fuel as well, and possibly as a propellant fer the launchin' of torpedoes. If it can also remove the staines caused by Fish Heade Stew, Oi shall consider rebottlin' it as a Wonder Drug and just continue to add the vitamins to evverbody's grog.

Me crew is allowed ter leave ship in me absence, but they shuddent be offered credit at any establishments, as they all hev received their cash accountins, even though most o' them lost th' hard earned coin in a game o' Chutes and Ladders played wif real Chutes and Ladders...

Cap'n Auntie Evil

Post Scripte: Th' only thing werth stealin' on me ship is me loife boat, an' the cook has taken to sleepin' in it. If yer plannin' on stealin' it, please leave me cook on th' ship. He gets verry ill on stationary land, an' must remain on me vessel. (It took me 23 years to convince him of that, so do not go about messin' things up.)

[DaveL]

YArrrr...

Oi votes we haves a public holiday. 'National 'Cat-of-nine-tails' Day'. We can celebrate to joys of public floggings by commemorating the day with...ummm..lots of public floggings.

Awfully good for the Piratical psyche...

Anyone who tries to work on N.C.N.T.D. shall forced...ummm..participate in the commemoration, as a future 'flogee'.

[Black Bart]

AAARRRRR...Can I ave two weeks off ta visit me mummy in Peru?

[Griffin NoName]

No. But yer can viswit er in Egypt.

And dont start out from Paddington.

[DaveL]

Bart,

Leave those Mummy folks alone. They don't talk much and seem to be obsessed with embalming fluid and the afterlife.

Any bloke that's has his internal organs removed, and is bound up for 3000 years ain't worth visitin in my book.

Stick to yer Pirate mates, coz yer fishead stew will provide all the embalming fluid we'll ever need.

In fact, if anyone survives eatin it, then the likelihood is they will already be mummified.

YArrr...

[Calico Jack]

I be neeeding some time off, well to be honest I am sick of the travelling (specially to India), sick o me job (specially if it be in India) and sick o me crew (specially if they are goin to India).

If you be so koind to let me av some time off I be fit to sail ter Oz later in the year).

Thanking you

Marcus Trescothick Calico Jack

[Black Bart]

YYYAAARRRGH...don't ye talk to me about Cricket.  When ye've faced a hail o grape shot at four paces what be scary about a leathery ball thrown at ye by a man dressed in white flannel!!!

[Griffin NoName]

Aaaaarrr but Crickets be pesky critters, all that chirruupppingg. Wot yer need be sum black widow spiders ter trap an eat em. Oi suggest yer write ter that black widow auntie persun.

Oi be avin toime off cos me crew be opeless. They be expectin Oi ter do all ther werk. Oi've ad enuff. Oi'm off ter sunbaith in a unspesifide loacaishiun. That'll lern em.

[DaveL]

YYYAAARRRGH...don't ye talk to me about Cricket.  When ye've faced a hail o grape shot at four paces what be scary about a leathery ball thrown at ye by a man dressed in white flannel!!!

YArrrr...especially Australians in flannel.

YArrr..Oi still think our one day uniform looks like a canary that vomited!

[Black Bart]

YYYAAARRR I saw an excellent episode o the Simpsons t'other day when 'Jebadiah Springfield', the founding father of Springfield, turned out to have been a cut throat Pirate who tried to murder George Washington!

[Calico Jack]

To the PVPCB

Yarr can I be having a week off on Shore Leave on account that I be aving no crew at thee moment.

Yer see I had to quell a mutiny onboard me ship on account on throwing me chef over the side a week ago, after I found me Cabin Boy in is quarters.  Me crew delirious on account of no food fer a week tried to tek me ship over so I ad to shoot them all.  I am now in Portsmouth looking fer a new crew but there is not a swab ter be seen.

So I be needing a week or so ter git meself a new crew, will that OK loike.

CJ

[Griffin NoName]

Permission granted to CJ to take alf day off each day fer a week. T'other alf day to be spent seekin crew. An t'other alf swabbin is deck. Yaaaaaar any deviation an e'll be up fer community service Yaaaaaar !!

[Black Bart]

Permission granted to CJ to take alf day off each day fer a week. Yaaaaaar any deviation an e'll be up fer community service Yaaaaaar !!

YYYAAARRR...Don't ye trust the blaggard...he be slopin off to watch Spurs as usual!!!

[Calico Jack]

Please can I ave permission to leave me ship and go and foind Black Bart as I want to give im a good slapping.

On second thoughts I don't want permission I be going anyway. What do the Welsh know about Football, in fact what do they know about anything.

CJ

[Black Bart]

YYYAAARRRRR... please give Calico Jack permission to go on a theme holiday to Harry Seacombe island where the Leaks grow 20 feet high and male voice choir music is played 24 hours a day!

A one way ticket preferably!!!

[DaveL]

It be called the 'Isle of YArrr-gogogo-goch'

[Calico Jack]

YYYAAARRRRR... please give Calico Jack permission to go on a theme holiday to Harry Seacombe island where the Leaks grow 20 feet high and male voice choir music is played 24 hours a day!

A one way ticket preferably!!!

Arrrrggh no, I would rather be inside a Whale then go to Wales.  As Del Boy said to Rodney when he brought round his charity tin why do we want to save Wales.

[Griffin NoName]

Permission to have retrospective permission for 36 hour leave. Me ship wer quaranteened by Scumsoft Internet Security.

That be a rubbish product, Oi'll not be buyin it ergin. It sed on ther tin it were to protect us from nasty fings, but the way it do it is ter stop ye talkin in the ferst place. That be daft. It told me Oi ad a bug but Oi never did, it were jes it wot ad the heebeejeeebeees. Oi'm not be even botherin ter wright ter Scumsoft cos they never fixed me problem receivin no emails.

So Oi opes Oi get me permission cos Oi bin all washed up.

[Aggie]

Arrrrggh no, I would rather be inside a Whale then go to Wales.  As Del Boy said to Rodney when he brought round his charity tin why do we want to save Wales.

Oi never figgered quite how Whales keep from sinkin' to Davy Jones' Locker wit' all the leaks they're reputed to have in 'em.

Speakin o' leaks, Oi reckoned Oi'd prepare a batch o' "esper aspir aspar-agus leak soup" for me crew late one night last May, as we 'ad nothing but aspar-agus for dinners, but the Cap'n broke into the icebox in the wee hours and found me special aspar-agus leak stock and drank the lot.  The blaggart though it was a bowl o' flat Heineken, and I don't blame him...  Heineken smells about as foul as yer leak when ye be eatin' aspar-agus three meals a day.

[Black Bart]

YYYAAARRR...That Heineken be rubbish.  It be advertised wiv the slogan: 'Heinekin refreshes the parts what other beers can't reach'.  Well I've been drinkin it for hours and there be no sign o my leg growin back!

[Griffin]

Me ammock as collapsed dew ter excessive use, so Oi be visitin the Janoory Online Sayles fer a new un an Oi asnt got toime ter mess abowt ere. Oi wants an ammock wiv a drawer fer me spare peg legs, cut outs fer electrical gubbins, an summat ter stop me slippin off the edje. Oi may be gawn sum time as ye olde surch enjines be rubbish. Oi'll be bak wen Oi's sawted it an catched up on me kip.

[The Black Spot]

Arrrr, this be an exceptional case. The only uvver person to wear out a hammock were DaveL when 'ee were watchin' a week o' cricket on his 51" plasma screen an' necking crates o' R Lager while the rest o'the crew were dying o' thirst.

Good man I say.

[DaveL]

YArrrrr...

Make 'em feel the pain Oi say! A bit o' dehydration does wonders for the lads waistlines.

Nuthin' like a cricket test match for 5 days straight(or 3 days if yer a Pom..yar!)

But now that Warney's becomin' an honoury Pom, we're in real trouble!

[Calico Jack]

I be thinking that yer Warne he be a bit of a Wench lovin Pirate.

He retires from all cricket except for Hampshire and he be based in Southampton so e can be in Fifis's in Portsmouth alf an hour after play finishes.

[Griffin]

Yaaaaaaaaaar!!  It be an excepssional case indeed. Oi as enuff maggots crawlin out me wrecked ammock ter keep me crew ek in sum in maggot sandwitches fer months. It be a fine life, generatin ther rations woile Oi kips. Oi need sum more days awf ter get me Ammock Fund goin since Oi spotted this Boxer Ammock - see them long draws be just ther tikket fer me peg legs but they be chargin an arm an a leg an Oi only as one leg. Oi be wonderin if me ship's carpenter culdn't knock me up a quick fake copy. We got plenty o good wood on board arter all!!

[Black Bart]

YYYAAARRR, don't be a twerp...that John Lewis be very hexpensive...ye'd be better off going to Long John Lewis of Portsmouth (a subsidiary of Bart Industries - no responsibility accepted for injuries sustained whilst drinking grog).

[Pachyderm]

YYYAAARRRGH...don't ye talk to me about Cricket.  When ye've faced a hail o grape shot at four paces what be scary about a leathery ball thrown at ye by a man dressed in white flannel!!!

The fact that 'e IS a man dressed in white flannel.

Wot's wrong wif a red shirt, don't show the blood.

[Bruder Cuzzen]

To : PVPCB


   Dire Soares ,
                     I jus be questin a cuppel munz offin ta hep Big Ron onna es 
latist shup .

[Griffin NoName]

Ter: BC

Yer can av alf an our. That be owr final offer.

PVCB

[Bruder Cuzzen]

                    To : PVPCB, cc BLT , PA , SOS , SoB , KFC




  Uh duz raw grit dat uh be...high...jacked... seemz dis ear string be inna way ...soze et gotz to moff . I be lost at sea fur spell . YARRRRRRR!!!