That red blaggard is neerly 'ere agin

[Bluenose]

  Avarst!  Oi bin jest lookin hat me kalenda, an' Oi notissed wot it be jest a few days till that blaggard Santie Claws be getting reddy ter make is hanual run.

Oi gots me cannons all primed an' loaded, but Oi be a fewe crewe short ter man the guns.  Be there any volunteers to elp me - iffen we be luckie we may get the baskit goode an proper this toime!

[Griffin NoName]

Oi volunteers the cabin boys. Keep em out of mischief. Also, the bribes cost less.

[Bluenose]

Aaarrgghhh!   Thankee kindly Cap'n NoName.  Them cab'n boy's'll come in handy fer sure.  Ye never nose when ye moight need a redde cowe sandwhich in a hurrie.

[Aggie]

Oi's be volunteeerin' on atriliry wach - we' s gott'n shoot that read menese down.!

[Bluenose]

Ye be a man arter me own 'art an no misstayk.  Culd ye see ter th' starb'd batt'ry, the swabs need a firm hand ter be shore!

[Sibling DavidH]

Oi be a-dustin' off of me shotguns and diggin' out the BB cartridges.  What's more Oi've played a dirty trick on the old lubber - Oi haven't swep' me chimbly!   

[Swatopluk]

Have yer cannons enough elevation? Mebbe betta use mortarrghs on those rainy deers (air bursts!). Proppaly used thatta wil give ya also minced meat for them sand-witches.

[Bluenose]

Aya, Cap'n Swato, wuld they be them newe SAMs - Surface to Air Mortars - wot Oi bin areading abowt in me latest hedition o' Poirate Gunnery magazine?  Oi'l sende me ferst mate inter Portsmouth wiv th' ship's whaler to pick sum up.

Cap'n DaveH, culd ye be settin up ye shotguns up in th' fightin' tops there, matey?  Oi'll send up wun o' Cap'n NoName's cabin boys ter keep ye supplyde wiv ammyunishun ammoonitun bullets an' all th' fishe 'ed stewe ye can eat.

[The Meromorph]

Demmed nonsense, it is.
This country hasn't had it's head on right since those Demmed Germans moved into the Palace. "Christmas Trees", indeed.
"Santa Claus", indeed.
At least we got some Stuart blood back in the line with Diana, not like that that chit of a girl marryin' that demmed Greek feller! It's almost possible to invite the latest generation to visit one, what?

But I won't have that demmed red robed German feller flying round the Hall and scaring the peacocks. I've told the ghillies to give the bounder both barrels on sight!

You pirate chaps are welcome to stop by for a tot or ten of rum, though...

[Aggie]

Ye be a man arter me own 'art an no misstayk.  Culd ye see ter th' starb'd batt'ry, the swabs need a firm hand ter be shore!

Aye-aye Cap'n!

Me an' the lads bin decussin a new idear for landlubbers - get a reeel big cannon an point it up from inside a house, then brick-clad it.  Let's see the blaggard leev a present down THAT chimney.

[Opsa]

Cap'n Blue, me and a team o' comely wenches hereby volinteers ter set up a skantily-clad distraction on a nearby rooftop. We hears he loiks his wimmin on the verlumptuous soid and are in the mood for a bit o' fun, anyhows.

[pieces o nine]

Yarrrgh, lads an wenches -- oi bin in me cabbin, sleepin loike, and missed all thee hullyballoo.

Didja capchur 'im this yeare? Or duz oi 'ave t'join Ops' Verlumpshus Distrackshun Squad next yeare?

[Opsa]

Oim afraid ter report we all got a mite too merry and was all passed out when th' blaggart passed this way, confound his sneaky, leering, jingling hide!

Oim puttin in our notes to make coffee next year.

Oim countin on Pieces to help lead the wench team next time. Also, we'll try to recruit Griffin, whom I expect orta be in foin form by then.

NEXT TIME FER SURE!!!!

[Bluenose]

<wakes up, with massive head ache>

Erm, wozzat terribel fumpin noise innme eers?  Lub-dub, lub-dub, lub-dub!

<surveys wreckage all over the deck>

Yaaarrrggghhhh!  Did we get the  blaggard?  The lass fing Oi remembers were sumfin big and red comin at me - it culdda bin that red baskit, or mebee 'twere Pieces' gell's bloomers - Oi no be shore...

[Aggie]

Oi got 12 o' his deer hanging from the yardarm, but they werent attached to a sleigh....

[anthrobabe]

Ye missed him ye gobs---Ha---and I gots me a Dalek in me stocking to boot!

I suppose better luck next time around

[Sibling DavidH]

How exactly does one boot a Dalek?   _{Only asking.}

[Black Bart]

Did Dave get im this time?

Only askin because me presents turned up again...more bleedin socks!!!!

[Griffin NoName]

If ye sew all yer socks tergether ye get yerself a loverly sweater.

[Sibling DavidH]

A sweater is probly what his granny made 'em out of. 

[Opsa]

What do yer get when you boot a Dalek?

Bleedin' socks!


Arggghh gargh gargh gargh... _{somebody slap me...}

[Sibling DavidH]

^

[Black Bart]

What stitch does a Dalek Seamstress use?

Skaro-stitch.

[DaveL]

Did Dave get im this time?

Only askin because me presents turned up again...more bleedin socks!!!!

YArrrr...

Oi think Oi fell asleep after some elf came and spiked me egg nog. Not sure what he put in it, but all Oi remembers is sumthin about marshmellow skies, girls wif kaleidoscope eyes and someone in the sky with diamonds.

YArrrr...That Timothy Leary bloke has got sum explainin to do!!

[Griffin NoName]

Aaaargh! DaveL hav fetched up from the Depths - hav 'e bin chased off other boards?

[DaveL]

YArrrr...

I've had the 'Argghhh 9000' in dry dock for months matey. Haven't bin sailin' that much in any waters of late.

[Aggie]

Oi thought ye'd be the scourge of the floodplain by now, Davey me boy...

[DaveL]

YArrrrr...

I wouldn't go sailin' near Queensland at present matey. That place has bin rainin' for about 3 months before the floods hit.