Arrr-Bay. Sell yer unwanted stuff here

[Black Bart]

SELLER: fishstewpot
FEEDBACK: 0.1%
MEMBER: Since 1765

You are bidding for:

Ye Inflammable Flags of Imperial Nations ready to burn at your chosen riot or uprising. Flag can be over-printed with your chosen despot's portrait to really get the crowd going.  Each flag is impregnated with kerosene and guaranteed to go up like a bonfire.

To order online go to: www.inflammableflags.com

[Black Bart]

Hello Mr Fishstewpot

I have tried to click on the link to buy your flags and it does not work.  I need four dozen flags of the USA with big picture of Mr Bush on them. Do you deliver to caves?

Yours Sincerely

Mr B Laden

[Black Bart]

Dear Mr Fishstew

Blast you...the link does not work.  How do I get your flags. I need seven hundred UK flags with extra kerosene. Please to be printing the flags with portrait of Mr Blair.  I would also like to take adwantage of your offer of free lighters.

Yours Sincerely

President Bob Mugabe

[Calico Jack]

ye are bidding for:-

The Black Spot's famous Pirate Ship 'Fifi's Princess' This fine vessel has sailed to all four corners of the world and with a fair wind and a sober crew can outrun anything the navy can muster. Due to unforeseen circumstances (see below) The Black Spot has now acquired (stolen) another vessel.

VIEWING:  Prospective buyers can view 'Fifi's Princess' at the bottom of the Solent where the ship sunk after being struck in the amidships by 12 large cannons fired from a navy patrol vessel.

[Black Bart]

Seller: fishstewpot
Feedback: 0.00001%
Member: Since 1765

You are bidding for:

Calico Jack's wig

Condition: Damp and Musty

Postage: half a Cronan

[The Black Spot]

Ye be bidding on:

BLACK BART'S WALLET

This be the very wallet that Bart takes with him when 'ee goes down the tavern. As new. Never opened.

Comes with free list of excuses of why it's not your round.

[Black Bart]

Seller: fishstewpot
Feedback: 0.00001%
Member: Since 1765

You are bidding for:

The Black Spot's 'Open Boat' Survival Kit

Contains:
One Plump Cabin Boy
One Worn Out Compass
Laminated Photo of Big Brenda
One tin of Shark repellant (Fish Stew)
List of Crew members to be Keel Hauled when ye gets home
30 Gallon Barrel of Grog

Postage: half a Cronan

[Calico Jack]

Ye be bidding on:

BLACK BART'S WALLET

This be the very wallet that Bart takes with him when 'ee goes down the tavern. As new. Never opened.

Comes with free list of excuses of why it's not your round.

I am now the lucky owner of Black Bart's Wallet, however I can't get it open.  Can you help me please as I need to pay my 1 Dubloon to enter Fifi's weekly quiz competition.

[Bluenose]

Seller: bludav-international
Feedback: 99.999%
Member: Since 1788

You are bidding for:

Genuine night parrot

Be the first pirate on your ship to own the famous endangered night parrot.  Extinct in the wild, we are the only suppliers of this exclusive bird.

We guarantee to sell only one bird per ship, so be the envy of all your mates, get a night parrot now!

Bidding starts at 100,000 dubloons

Shipping: 500 Dubloons
Insurance: 1,500 Dubloons

[The Black Spot]

Seller: OpenBoat
Feedback: -12
Member since: 1695



Can't sleep at night? Noisy squawking keeping you awake? You need

THE NIGHT PARROT STRANGLER

These heavy duty gauntlets make twisting a Night Parrot's neck a breeze.

Price: 2 dubloons
Postage: 52 dubloons

**BUY WITH CONFIDENCE**

[Black Bart]

Seller: fishstewpot
Feedback: 0.00001%
Member: Since 1765

You are bidding for:

Dark Avenger Costume

Condition: Used

Includes:

Purple cape
Yellow Gloves
Yellow Utility Belt
Purple grappling Hook
Purple Shirt
Purple Pants with large hole in gusset area, only about the size of a peg leg, easily sown up.
One tin of Shark Repellant

Reserve: 50 Dubloons

Postage: half a Cronan

[The Black Spot]

Seller: OpenBoat
Feedback: -121
Member since: 1695

Current Bid: 1 penny


THE FULL SIZE BLACK BART MODEL!


This is your chance to own a lifesize (5'1") BLACK BART MANNEQUIN!

Wonderful attention to detail, from the grizzled walnut like face down to the woodworm riddled pegleg. Even the dinner stains down the front of his shirt have been faithfully reproduced!

Features:

* Glazed expression

* Arm moves with realistic beer swilling motion

* Utters four phrases: "It's your round", "where's me pint", "I've left me money indoors", "I'll pay you back next week".

* Wallet sealed shut for extra realism

Be one of the first to own this outstanding piece of history!

---------------------------------------

Questions from other bidders

Q. Is this the standup version?
A. I'm afraid Bart is unable to stand unaided. However, this can be rectified with a broomstick of the correct thickness.

Q. Is Bart easy to store? I only have a small cupboard under the stairs.
A. No problem. Lots of people have had him in a cupboard.


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUY WITH CONFIDENCE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Black Bart]

Dear Arrr-Bay

I has a complaint about the seller 'OpenBoat'.
I was the winnin bidder fer the 'Full Size Black Bart Model. I was well happy seein as it only cost me 1 penny.  I hinstalled it in me cabin and took off on a month's vacation in the Carribean thinkin me crew would be none the wiser as they slaved over the ship and Fish Head Stew production.

One day into me holiday I gets a letter from the Bosun askin where the hell was I and who the blisterin hell was the hansome fellar in me cabin?!!! I henclose a picture o the so called Black Bart model and I wants me money back!!!!

[DaveL]

Item: Inflate-a-cabin boy (IaCB)

Vendor: No-Friends Enterprises (NoFE)

Notes: The life at sea can be a very lonely pasttime. Some of us don't have hired help when we need it.

So isn't it nice to know NoFE can help ease your lonely voyage with a speshal friend to keep that cabin fever at bay.

This fully sized inflatable cabin boy, will provide you wif all the help you need.

The ideal converation piece at your next card game. Get your fellow scurvy dogs all jealous, as yer whip out your IaCB.

Your IaCB comes complete with a list of readily usable phrases like 'Aye-aye Captain' 'Here's your pipe and slippers Sir' and 'I'm off up the crows nest now Capn'

Just make sure your friends don't ask him any complex questions like 'What's the area of a rhombus?' or 'What do you think about the Colonial harbour tax?' and you'll have 'em fooled.

Your IaCB come complete wif an awesome instruction manual, written in some undecipherable text you'll never understand.

To Sell: 11 Available - Buy 'em all and start yer own soccer team!

Payment: 100 Dubloon, PaySwab Only.

[Calico Jack]

I as for sale the latest in Pirate Technology

THE CROWS NEST ELEVATOR

Why do yer need one, well when you are tracking close to shore an yer want to keep away from the navy patrols, yer need someone in yer crows nest quick.

This machine is in fact a see saw an yer place it in a strategic position on the deck under yer crows nest. Git yer cabin boy to sit on one end an ask one of yer heavier crew mewmbers to  run up and jump on ye other end, I use Big Brenda an it works a treat.  Yer Cabin Boy is transported to the Crows Nest without the need to spend time climbing up the rigging.

SELLERS WARNING

Yer need 10 spare cabin boys cos yer will lose a few of em before you get yer aim right.

PRICE

I as a job lot of these as me supplier went missing at sea after e insisted on payment so yer can purchase yer Crow's Nest Elevator fer the bargain price of 10 Cronins