Arrr-Bay. Sell yer unwanted stuff here

[Black Bart]

Seller: fishstewpot
Feedback: 0.1%
Member: Since 1765

You are bidding for:

2GB Scumsoftpod pink - Gay Sea Shanty collection included.  Pink ear phones.

Buy now 4 dubloons .

Postage: Pieces of 8, Pieces of 8, Pieces of 8

[The Black Spot]

You are bidding on:

"BACKUP" copies of...

Portholes XP Piratical: The flagship o' the scumsoft programs. This be the high end o' the Portholes(tm) Operating System. Ye'll never get a blue screen with this one (it's been replaced by a black one).

Scumsoft Orifice: Scumsoft's famous suite o' programs. Each one contains hundreds o' features that ye'll never use. Comprises:
Scumsoft Turd: Word processing program especially designed for people who like the spellchecker to put lots of "Z"'s in words. Oh, there's also that talking paperclip.
Scumsoft Inhell: Professional spreadsheet. Handles over 75 different types of mathematical functions! Handles pivot tales, data matrix inversions and complex data analysis - even though the stupid bastids who buy this will only ever use it to add and subtract.
Scumsoft SharpPoint: Makes your presentations even more boring! Huge packet of sickeningly twee images included.

Scumsoft AutoVoyage: Get lost quicker than ever!

Comes on one handy disk.

Also included: Scumsoft key generator. This is for educational use only. It is purely coincidental that it will activate all of the above.

These are for backup only. The winning bidder will of course already have original, licensed copies of these items.


!!!!!!!!BUY WITH CONFIDENCE!!!!!!!!!

[Bluenose]

Ye be biddin on:

Well known Pirate Cusswords Volume 298a, Sub Section 29, Part III by Bartholemew Noir

Sellers warning:  Do not allow this book to come into contact with children as spontaneous combustion may result.

Current bid: 14 Dubloons

[DaveL]

YArrrr...

Do yer know if youse can buy Scumsoft Orrifice complete wif 'Roget's Cussword-saurus' edited by Bartholomew Noir.

Oi heards it will convert entire texts into completely offensive garb in just one click. Just the thing for incitin' warfare on the high seas...yarrr!

[Bluenose]

Yarr! Well, ye can buy that easily enuff, but ye'll be needin a new 'ard drive ter load the cussword database, see the 'elpdesk thread.

[Calico Jack]

FOR SALE

I bought 'Pirates of the Carribean Dead man's Chest for 10 Dubloons, problem is its total rubbish.  Does anyone want it, yer can av it fer nuffin.

SELLERS WARNING: This product is total crap.

[Black Bart]

GGGAARRRR...Ye should ave bought me copy o the classic Pirate Film: 'Fair Wind to Java' when ye had the chance! I'd ave signed it for ye aswell and Big Ron was givin away free chipolatas with every copy sold.

[The Black Spot]

For Sale:

NOVELTY ELECTRIC SHOCK HAND SHAKER

Shake yer victim's hand, an watch 'im jump as 'ee gets a harmless but powerful electric shock.

As new. Only used once.

Reason for sale: Owner dead. Serves 'im right fer tryin' it out on me.

[Black Bart]

Seller: fishstewpot
Feedback: 0.1%
Member: Since 1765

You are bidding for:

Scumsoft Helpdesk matchin Desk and Chairs.

There are some blood stains but I am sure these can be easily removed. Also some chips to surface of desk due to cutlass strikes but otherwise in perfect condition.

Buy now 40 dubloons .

Postage: Pieces of 8, Pieces of 8, Pieces of 8

[DaveL]

Vendor: Scumbag Extravaganza

Item: Nigerian Email Scams for Pirates, Volumes 1-9
Author: President Laurent Kabila

Notes: This highly succesful techinque has been used by spambots to liberate vast sums of money from evil corrupt African regimes...and all they need is your bank account - AWESOME!!

Now President Kabila (which may or maynot be his real name) is given you all the secrets to this highly successful techinique.

Learn how to pretend to be a highly disaffected African emissiary. Learn the secrets of grovelling in one easy lesson. Watch those millions start rolling in, YArrr!!!

Throw that treasure map away. Toss that shovel in the bin. Your fortune could made at the drop of a dodgy grovelly email.

Payment: 1 million dubloon. By dodgy bank transfer only.

[Black Bart]

Seller: fishstewpot
Feedback: 0.1%
Member: Since 1765

You are bidding for:

Nigerian severed head (Freeze dried).

Mounted on mahogany back board.  Comes with certificate of authorisation reading:
President Kabila - born 1970 died suddenly 8.11.2006

Buy now 48 dubloons .

Postage: Pieces of 8, Pieces of 8, Pieces of 8

[Griffin NoName]

Fer Sale

Electronic Sodoffko

Only slightly used. Some numbers missing. No power cord.

Price: reserve ^&¬95

CroninCard only. Buyer collects. Locations supplied on credit clearance.

[Calico Jack]

As a power seller on Arr Bay you will be pleased to hear an exceptional item of Pirate legend has come into my possession.

This be the First Plank on The Black Spot's ship.  By Spot's standards this plank lasted a long time, 3 days in fact, before it was worn through as over 2000 Swabs, Navy Seamen, Wenches, Cats and Parrots all made a one way trip to the sharks.

This fine memento to Spot's quieter days has been carefully restored to its original condition essentially by gluing it together where it split down the middle.

As this is such a collectors item I invite discreet bids via my web site address below.

www.calicojackwillripyouoff.com

[The Black Spot]

Fer Sale:

1 Bowler hat
1 Umbrella
1 Briefcase (embossed "Inland Revenue")
1 Fountain pen with gold nib (engraved "Customs and Excise")

All in excellent condition. One previous owner.

[Black Bart]

Seller: fishstewpot
Feedback: 0.1%
Member: Since 1765

You are bidding for:

Genuine Capn Hook's hand.

Retrieved from the shark at great personal risk. Pickled in vinegar and mounted in display case.

Buy now 60 dubloons .

Postage: Pieces of 8, Pieces of 8, Pieces of 8

Or see my other items:

Box of one dozen Capn Hook hands. Assorted Anne Bonney Brassiers and Knickers.  Condition: Used.