Piratic Poetry

[pieces o nine]

Blame Credit fer this topic goes t' DaveL, who starrrted hit at TOP. (O'll let 'im poste his luvverly Ode t'a Dugong  his oan self.)  Theyre be sum harrrt-string-tuggin' poetry rit by pyrates, an we should reade hit in thee Portsmouth Monastery, too. Here be wun ov me faverits.


Charge ov thee Loight Brigayde
Alfred, Cap'n Tennis Sun

Haf an arrrrrgh, Haf an arrrrrgh,
Haf an arrrrrgh onworrrd,
Awl in thee galley ov Death
Rowed thee six hunnerd.
"Forworrrrd, thee Loight Brigayde!
Aim fer thee gunwales!" he sayde:
Inter thee galley ov Death
Rowed thee six hunnerd.

"Forworrrd, thee Loight Brigayde!"
Be theyre a mate dismaid?
Not tho thee pyrates new
Sumwun 'ad blunnerd:
Theyres not t'axe 'im why,
Theyres not t'mayke reply,
Theyres but t'dew an' dye:
Inter thee galley ov Death
Rowed thee six hunnerd.

Cannon to thee roight ov 'em,
Cannon to thee left ov 'em,
Cannon in thee front ov 'em
Volleyed and thunnerd;
Storrrrm'd hat wiv shot an shelled,
Boldly they rowed an wailed,
Inter thee jaws ov Death,
Inter thee mouf ov Hell,
Rowed thee six hunnerd.

Flashin theyre cutlas bare,
Flashin theyre arse in aire,
Stabbin thee blaggarrrds there,
Drunkin an barmy woile
Awl thee worlde wunnerd:
Plungin' thru bat-tree smoke,
Roight thru thee loine they broke;
Cronan an Borat
Reeled frum thee cutlass-stroke
Shatterd and sunnerd.
Then sum rowed back, but not--
Not thee six hunnerd.

Cannon to thee roight ov 'em,
Cannon to thee left ov 'em,
Cannon in thee front ov 'em
Volleyed and thunnerd;
Storrrrm'd hat wiv shot an shelled,
Boldly they rowed an wailed,
Inter thee jaws ov Death,
Inter thee mouf ov Hell,
Rowed thee six hunnerd.

When can theyre trezshur fayde?
Oh, thee wylde charge they mayde!
Awl thee worlde wunnerd.
Onner thee reck they mayde!
Drinke t' thee Loight Brigade,
Nobil Six Hunnerd!

[Bluenose]

Vice Admiral B. Noze KCB

The swab stoode on th' burnin' dekk
All 'round 'is mates got hit
'E saw a blade swing att 'is nekk
So 'e filled is pants with 

[Pachyderm]

Is that why it's called the poop deck?


A py-rates loife fer me,
a-sailin' on the deep blue sea.
Me ship, me crew, me helmsman Blind Hugh,
freedom o' the oceans, jest better avoid Bartie's Stoo.

[Pachyderm]

The Rubber Mat of Oh mark Ediam
Translated into Pirate in 2008 by Capting Pachyderm

Awake! for Morning in the Bowl of Night
Has flung the Cannonball that puts the Stars to Flight:
And Lo! the Ship's Carpenter has caught
The Cabin Boy in a Noose so Tight.

Dreaming when Cronan's Left Hand was in the Sky
I heard a voice within the Tavern cry,
"Awake, my Little ones, and fill the Cup
Before Life's Liquor in its Cup be dry."

And, as the Cock crew, those who stood before
The Tavern shouted -- "Open then the ****ing Door!
You know how little while we have to stay,
And, once departed, we may return no more."

Come, fill the Cup, and in the Fire of Spring
The Reeking Garment of the Surgeon fling:
The Bird of Time has but a little way
To fly -- and Lo! the Bird is on the Wing.

With me along the strip of Herbage strown
That just divides the port from the town,
Where name of Captain and crew is forgot --
And Peace is shattered on his Golden Throne!

A Dirty Book underneath the Bough,
A Jug of Rum, a Joint of Meat, -- and several Thou's
Beside me singing in the Benbow --
Oh, the snug bar were Paradise enow!

Think, in this batter'd Caravanserai
Whose Doorways are alternate Come In and Out This Way,
How Captain after Captain with all his Pompey lads
Abode his day or two and went astray.

The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Cross-eyed: tries to read the Bill, "Oh Sh*t!"
No lurid tale will cancel half a Line,
Nor all thy Tears wash out a Groat of it.

None answer'd this; but after Silence spake
A swaying Vessel of a more ungainly Make:
"They sneer at me for leaning all awry;
What! did the Hand then of the Gunner shake?"

"Why," said another, "Some there are who tell
Of one who threatens he will toss to Hell
The luckless Tars he marred in making -- Pish!
He's a Good Fellow, and 'twill all be well."

And when like him, oh Saki, you shall pass
Among the Guests star-scatter'd on the Grass,
And in your joyous errand reach the spot,
Never forget to turn down an empty Glass!

[pieces o nine]

Ennybodie ear seen me ole fren' WalkThePlank?
Kin ye tell me wear he's gone?
He shotta lotta peepul, but hit seames theyre harts go on,
Ye no oi jest look'd arownd an he be gone.

Ennybodie ear seen me ole fren' Cronan?
Kin ye tell me wear he's gone?
He touch'da lotta peepul but hit seems they drownd an gone,
Ye no oi jest look'd arownd an he be gone.

Ennybodie ear seen me ole fren' Big Ron?
Kin ye tell me wear he's gone?
He fedda lotta peepul but hit seems theyre casings arrre awl gone,
Ye no oi jest look'd arownd an he be gone.

Dint ye luv thee fings that they stoode fore?
Dint they trye t' find sum goode fer ye an me?
An' we'll go to sea,
Sum daye soon, hit's gonna be wun day...

Ennybodie ear seen me ole fren' thee Mayor?
Kin ye tell me wear he's gone?
Oi thought oi saw 'im staggerin' t' thee Benbow,
Wiv WalkThePlank, an Cronan, an Ron.

[DaveL]

YArrrr..

'ere be what happens when ye drink too much...

Arvast in the sands of time...
Did me me ship sail the dark Carribbean Waters...
And in the mists afar I did spy a vision...
a vision that got this old blaggard most excited...

For there, sittin on a rock was summit worthy of PlayBilge page 3...
A vision lovelier than me dear wife, I haven't seen for 30 years...
For her tail was long, her skin was soft and her eyes were big and dark...
It was the hottest, sexiest sight Oi ever did see...A Dugong!!

And I did propose to that Dugong on the rocks that day...
And she offer me her flipper in marriage...
And we have built our home on a large granite boulder...
And we have many baby dugongs and dugongettes...
Complete with eye patches, prosthetic hooks and peg fins...

And she loves my moustache and I love hers...
And she loves to go shopping for kelp, occasionally kelp and (when she's feeling naughty) kelp!
And after a hard day at the office pillaging and murdering...
My Lovely Mermaid awaits...

[DaveL]

YArrrr...O'ill let this one speak for itself?

Oooo Lala!

Madame Fifi once gave me a back rub, in place the wasn't my back...
She used both hands, a goat, a spatula and a rather large Hessian sack...

When it look like she had finished, Oi let out a rather big scream...
Because next came the hot wax, anchovies and large container of cream...

When she was done with the foodstuffs, I thought Oi was on me way out...
But next thing Oi was on all fours, being beaten with a gigantic smoked trout...

Oi said 'thanks that'll do now, there be no more food left in your house'...
But Fifi sent two of her girls out, to get a big bucket of louse...

And if yer hungry don't bother, because the food that looks quite a treat...
Will most likely, without question, end up on yer head, back and feet...

While the third world gets poorer and Portsmouth starves away...
Madame Fifi will be out in the Chamber, entertaining Portsmouth's bad strays...

[Griffin NoName]

Oi feers DaveL 'as pikked up sum strang 'abits on 'is travels !

[Black Bart]

Ode to a Portsmouth Wench

Shall I compare thee to a Summer's day?
Not really for ye are quite damp
From standin ere long under that street lamp
Still more's the pity
Ye aint too pretty
But for a half a groat
I'd shag a stoat

[Griffin NoName]

And now for a Song !


In Portsmouth's fair city, where pro's are so pretty,

that's where I first met Sweet Molly Malone.

She wheeled her wheel barrow

Through streets that are narrow

Crying Cockles and Muscles

Alive alive-o!


Alive , Alive-oho! Alive, Alive-oho!

Crying Cockles and Muscles

Alive alive-o!  Alive alive-o!


She was a whore monger

And that is no wonder,

So was her father and mother before!

They wheeled their wheel barrows

Through streets that are narrow

Crying Cockles and Muscles,

Alive, alive-o!

Alive , Alive-oho! Alive, Alive-oho!

Crying Cockles and Muscles

Alive alive-o!  Alive alive-o!


She died of a fever

And no one could save her,

And that was the end of Sweet Molly Malone.

Her ghost wheels her barrow

Through streets that are narrow,

Crying Cockles and Muscles,

Alive alive-o!

Alive , Alive-oho! Alive, Alive-oho!

Crying Cockles and Muscles

Alive alive-o!  Alive alive-o!

[pieces o nine]

Cronan be smokin furst pype ov thee mournin.
'Is crewe 'as awoken, loike thee furst crewe.
Arrrgh fer thee wenches, arrrgh fer thee trezshur,
Arrrgh fer thee riggin awl covert in dew.

Sweet thee round balls shoot, out frum thee cannons
Loike thee furst arrrrdinance an thee furst gun.
Arrrgh fer thee big holes fillin wiv gallons
Ov water in theyre ships, wen 'e be dun.

'Is be thee darknesse, 'is be the coldnesse,
Down on thee sea floore, ware Cronan dwells.
Arrrgh wiv elayshun, eache daye ye don' see 'im
Boredin yer vessel an steerin fer hell.


                       

: pieces be so ovvercome wiv emoshun that she buys a roun' fer evvirwun in thee 'ouse wot sang along :

[Black Bart]

Damn fine work ladies...I give you one wot The Black Spot wrote over on TOP:

In me life at sea, I's sailed the world,
I's seen all manner o' things.
I's seen a mermaid's rump, I's seen a starfish jump,
I's seen an octopus with wings.

I's seen seaweed dance, and sharks that prance,
I's heard a singing pig.
But there'll always be, one thing I'll never see,
Plank wearing a decent wig.

[DaveL]

Constable Timmin's Trouser Enhancer

In the Portsmouth rear lane I once did roam...
and over back fences did peer...
At the beautiful vege patch gardens...
And mighty zucchinis of old Mrs Dear...

Both long and lean was her prized patch...
a winner at the Portsmouth town fare...
But for some it was much more impressive...
and I got a mighty great scare...

When walking the lane one evening...
and over back fences I did see...
something green, blue and elongated...
that didn't look like a tree...

For there in old Mrs Dear's garden...
Constable Timmins wearing a strange thing...
That looked like something quite Freudian...
I'd seen worn by some old Tudor king...

Next time I chop a zucchini...
My mind shall wince with great pain...
As I think of Constable Timmins...
And what his trousers have gained...

So next time you're near Mrs Dear's garden
Make sure that it's safe to peer in...
Because you might catch Constable Timmins...
Enhancin his trousers again...

[DaveL]

Constable Timmins Trouser Enhancer - Part 2

Into the lanes of Portsmouth Constable Timmins did tread...
By bars and by places where the lanterns were red...
Our local law enforcer was prouder than punch...
Sporting something green and elongated, that you'd eat for your lunch...

When the townsfolk all saw him, they dared not to laugh...
Cause if Constable Timmins heard 'em, he'd put 'em behind bars...
Into Big Ron's he wandered, trying to be seen...
Sporting his trouser enhancer, big, long and green...

Old Mrs Dear is lost now, she doesn't know what to do...
Her prized zucchini is missing and it has a role quite new...
That doesn't involve being judged at the Portsmouth Town fare...
It's stuffed down our Constable's Trousers and may never again see air...

So next time you see Constable Timmins, just give him a wink and a nod...
And be thankful that's  not your zucchini, stuffed in the recesses of his bod...
Just remember there's reincarnation, that life will again renew...
Just don't come back as a zucchini, or there will be something "interesting" to do...

[Sibling Lambicus the Toluous]

Refrain:

What do you do with a drunken pirate?
What do you do with a drunken pirate?
What do you do with a drunken pirate
Ear-lye in the mornin'?

1.
Feed him more rum 'til he can't stand upright
Feed him more rum 'til he can't stand upright
Feed him more rum 'til he can't stand upright
Ear-lye in the mornin'

Refrain

2.
Take photos of 'im for blackmailin'
Take photos of 'im for blackmailin'
Take photos of 'im for blackmailin'
Ear-lye in the mornin'

Refrain

3.
Shake 'im upside-down for coins and jewelry
Shake 'im upside-down for coins and jewelry
Shake 'im upside-down for coins and jewelry
Ear-lye in the mornin'

Refrain

4.
Just say to 'im "Good mornin' Cap'n"
Just say to 'im "Good mornin' Cap'n"
Just say to 'im "Good mornin' Cap'n"
Ear-lye in the mornin'