YArrrr...
Before youse start postin' youse had better see the Verry Speshal Anownsmunt on the front page.
Get photoshoppin yer blaggards!
Oi will confirm all details, such as who will be judgin' etc shortly :yar:
Regards
DaveL
Playbilge
Oi jest ope ter goodness yer as a good editor !!
Here be me entry to the Funny Photo contest. All we need to do now is make the movie!!!
(http://homepage.mac.com/antonyroberts/.Pictures/More%20daft%20images/PofP_Final.jpg)
Well! Oi may not 'ave the foine computer skill o' Black Bart, but Oi'm not one to back down from a challenge...
(http://img163.imageshack.us/img163/4640/corhk4.jpg)
Portsmouth Pirate Public School
Still Master Bluenose demonstratin' the effects of usin' dodgy still pipes.
(http://img257.imageshack.us/img257/9540/pppsphotorr4.jpg)
http://img257.imageshack.us/my.php?image=pppsphotorr4.jpg
Looks more like Hogwarts ter me. That be a clever Still Master ye got there Cullinane. Wizard !
Arrrrrr...
(http://www.goldup.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/skeletons.jpg)
Weakened by Scurvy and endless games of 'Simon', a desperate member of The Black Spot's crew tries to get a job at Scumsoft!
(http://homepage.mac.com/antonyroberts/.Pictures/More%20daft%20images/Spot's_crew.jpg)
Arrgghh, these are jolly good so far. Thank goodness oi finally gots DSL so I can see 'em.
I forgets when this contest ends.
YArrr...
Let's give it another month Opa. It'll give us time to work out how to judge 'em (not me as O'im a contestant).
Arrrr...
(http://www.goldup.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/buckaroo4.jpg)
Did them av termarto sorce in them days then?
(http://www.goldup.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/brenda1.jpg)
Big Ron and The Incredible Wind Band, Live at The Scurvy Rex Stadium
The crowd knew they were in trouble when Big Ron went for the matches...
(http://www.natchezbelle.org/adams-ind/photos/1910-fire-explosion.jpg)
Any more entries before we declare the competition closed?
Judgin' will commence as soon as a third distinguished judge can be suckered in found to balance the panel.
Well alright...if you insist...just one more:
In an unsavoury incident on the streets of Portsmouth, Big Ron jumps to the defense of his product:
(http://web.mac.com/antonyroberts/iWeb/twerps_dwyle_flonking/Photos_files/Ron_fight.jpg)
Arrrr, one more...
(http://www.goldup.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/abandonship2.jpg)
HAR! Me knees is slapped raw!
Quote from: Sibling Chatty on April 02, 2007, 03:04:56 AM
Any more entries before we declare the competition closed?
Judgin' will commence as soon as a third distinguished judge can be suckered in found to balance the panel.
Speaking as one of the suckers, er.. judges, might we shanghai ...er, ask Swato if he'd loik to help?
Excellent.
We need a judges discussion about the multiple entries situation.
Call to entrants:
The Playbilge Funny Photo Contest will be closing abruptly and without much more warning, so get your entries in now!
The judges be putting on their robes, wigs and eyepatches!
The contest is now closed.
All entrants may return to the paddocks for a rubdown and a nice bag of oats.
Wait, that was me last judgin' job. Oi hopes we shan't hev ter shoot enny of these contestants...
Would the contestant who approached me over a certain matter please phone my secretary to confirm the appointment at the rear of the Admiral Benbow 1 hour after closing time. ;)
I would personally like to thank all the entrants for their thoughtful gifts of rum. They were most encouraging. Please excuse me, as I have to lie down for a little bit. I'm feeling a little wooooo....
*THUNK!*
I'd like to convey my apologies to the contestant with whom I had the little arrangement. There were so many of you skulking round the back of the Admiral Benbow at the appointed hour that I didn't feel it was safe to approach.
Today I received a fine pair of spare peg legs, but the note attached was just signed "X".
Me bloody parrot ate me ballots.
Oi must beegin again...as soon as there be two extra appendages wif all digits so Oi kin count to twenny. (Griffin, does eivver of them legs have toes, er just a peg?)
Certenly not, me new peg legs be the reguler sort.
Oi bumped inter The Black Spot ternite an e giv me a big box o strainge an wunnerful articuls. Mind, Oi am jest appenin ter mentiun it like. Oi wuldnt want ter upset any o the competittors by keepin sumthin like that secrett.
Oi like this judjing lark. Wen can we av anuvver competitiun?
What about a 'Best Dressed Pirate' competition?
Aaaaaaaaaaarr!! Black Bart. Oi noticed ye wer avoydin me last nite. Oi opes it wont wrek yer chances in the photo comp. ;)
YYYAAAARRRRRRR...I bet that blaggard Spot wer spoilin ye with copious amounts o grog!!!!!
Tis a shame we missed each other...I was brewin up a special batch o Stew fer ye.
Wun sip o yer stew an ye be certin not ter win the comp ! Ye be lukky ye missed me. Yaaaar!
YArrrr, wot be all this deliberatin' goin' on? Get on wif it!
Oi thinks yer should make an anownsemunt in the news section on the front page.
Only a bit more deliberatin' to go. Oi got to amass all the treasures and make sure they're appropriately awarded.
There be a Schnauzer sittin' on the treasure chest at the moment...
We be waitin fer some bad news ter appen so we can divert attentiun by announcin ther winner ;)
Also, we be usin a Scumsoft spred sheat ter calcoolayte ther votes an it be givin sum very straynge reesults. Scumsoft be takin ther time fixin it. They be promisin it tomoora every day.
Oi hev had the Schnauzer removed from the treasure chest.
We may hev ter git some tie-braker votes from the ladies at Madam Fifi's as the current staff of judges have come up with some most confusin' results.
Oi b'leeve Judge No Name hasn been tryin' to chart this infermashun, but once agin, the blaggards at Scumsoft are confusin' th' issue.
What's a left-handed bifurcatin' three prong blivitator? That's what they sez we need to fix the tallyin' program, and they be wantin' 300 Cronin fer it!!
Oi as sorted them scum at Scumsoft an got ther first o the result charts owt the compewter.
Oi opes no wun is goin ter be disssapointed.
(http://i41.photobucket.com/albums/e284/Griffinit/PirateComp3.jpg?t=1176517588)
Ye don't fool me wi' yer high tech jabberin'. THIS be what yer usin'...
(http://www.goldup.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/dartboard2.jpg)
Jumpedup, Blaggart and Swindler
Commisioners for Oaths, Attourneys at Law
For Scumsoft Inc.
This Sixteenth Day of Aprille in the Year of Our Lord One Thousand Seven Hundred and Seven
To Mr Black Spot
It has come to the attention of our client that you have published the design of their
left-handed bifurcatin' three prong blivitator in an open forum and thus contravened the provions of the Copyright and Design Registrations Acts.
Our client is willing to settle out of court upon the payment of the sum of 50,000 Dubloons, plus legal expenses, and upon your agreement to publiclly apologise for your error.
We look forward to your early response to this matter.
Your obedient servent,
Ima Swindler KCB, QC
Dear Mr Swindler
I am writing to you on behalf of Applebarrel Corporation in response to your letter to Mr Black Spot dated 16/4/1707.
The Scumsoft "left-handed bifurcatin' three prong blivitator" is a copy of Applebarrel's Trident Randomiser (TM) that has been an integrated feature of our renowned operating system OS Sux since the early sixteenth century.
I have spoken to Applebarrel CEO Mr Jobsworth personally, and he assures me that every single innovation in the computing world is down to him and him alone, and Scumsoft CEO Bill Hatches is merely a charlatan. The fact that Mr Hatches owns half the planet, and Mr Jobsworth lives on a bench behind the Admiral Benbow bears testament to this.
Please excuse the shaky handwriting, but a certain Mr Black Spot is holding a pistol to my head.
Your earliest response would be appreciated.
Please.
Yours faithfully
Lucas Hackenthrop
Legal Representative,
Applebarrel Corporation
Quote from: Griffin NoName The Watson of Sherlock on April 14, 2007, 03:30:15 AM
Oi as sorted them scum at Scumsoft an got ther first o the result charts owt the compewter.
Oi opes no wun is goin ter be disssapointed.
(http://i41.photobucket.com/albums/e284/Griffinit/PirateComp3.jpg?t=1176517588)
Freud rarely wore slips, as he was partial to a fluffy chenille dressing gown in lavender and rose, with some bunny slippers and a nice summer bonnet. There may be photos...
Sounds like an entry to the competition !
(http://i41.photobucket.com/albums/e284/Griffinit/freud_comp.gif?t=1176774793)
:ROFL:
O hang it all, and send Freud the pirate gear... he looks like he could use it!
Ow! There's a dart in me posterior. How'd that get there?
Aaaaaarr! Oi win then !!!
For all em oo fink ther judges shuldnt win, Oi just got ther Cronin results:
(http://i41.photobucket.com/albums/e284/Griffinit/PirateComp6.jpg?t=1176848310)
Thar be sum definite problims wif Scumsoft's approaches to the difu-cultys we be havin'.
Oi hev engaged a group of young ladies to assist in the perusal and assessment ov these photos, as the Scumsoft program seem ter be stuck at the number 18.
Evver one uv the scores reported seems ter be "18". ALL uv them. that don't seem roite, so Oi hev arsked the Ladies fro Mme. Fifi's to give input as well. They will be reportin' at varyous toimes, so their remarks will just be displayed as received.
And may the Deity of Yer Choice have mercy upon yer mangy souls...
Quote from: The Black Spot on March 08, 2007, 01:27:24 AM
(http://www.goldup.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/brenda1.jpg)
Dear Mr. B. Spot, Oi did not reveal the author of this to Brenda. Upon receipt of 500 gold doubloons, Oi will tell 'er it was mysteriously destroyed in a freak pixelization accident.
Oh, her comment, once passed by th' censors:
QuoteOi'm gonna ____ the bleedin' ____ orf th' scum-____ing ___ Son of a _____ whot put that in ther ______ing contest. An THEN Oi'm gon ter get MAD abou' it!!
Doubloons only, NO Scumsoft stock certificates.
Quote from: Black Bart on February 22, 2007, 01:49:04 PM
Weakened by Scurvy and endless games of 'Simon', a desperate member of The Black Spot's crew tries to get a job at Scumsoft!
(http://homepage.mac.com/antonyroberts/.Pictures/More%20daft%20images/Spot's_crew.jpg)
Mr. B. Bart,
Madam Fifi wonts ter know wher ye got the foto of her former husbin. If yer kin pruve he's werkin' she 'as a matter of child support fer the 11 children wot she's raisin'. Nae one o' them resembuls the gent in the pickshur, bu' she sez th' judge b'leevs 'er and 'as awardid her support.
Also, th' new girl at Fifi's sez "Oi!! Wot's me ol' Da doin'? He can't code HTML werth beans!!"
However, fer artystick merit she gave you a 10, as it's a perfect loikness of 'im on 'is best day.
Quote from: DaveL on March 08, 2007, 05:28:15 AM
Big Ron and The Incredible Wind Band, Live at The Scurvy Rex Stadium
The crowd knew they were in trouble when Big Ron went for the matches...
(http://www.natchezbelle.org/adams-ind/photos/1910-fire-explosion.jpg)
Miss Louisabelle Renae, third door to th' right 2nd floor at Mme. Fifi's was very enchanted by this 'ere entry. she sed it remoinded 'er of th' toime she werkd as a chef's assistant at th' Admiral Benbow, but not enuf smoke. 'Owever, the compysitsun ov the pease was "balanced and drew the eye to the inevitable stunned onlooker." Whutevvur that means.
Dear Mr B Spot
Judge Tau and I have discussed the small problem that has arisen with one of the other Judge's whose identity, you will understand, I cannot reveal (but if yer can slip unnoticed into Portsmouth School Mafs class ye might get sum help there in ther Logic and Countin lessons).
We decided that we very much want to put your mind at rest and reduce the pressure on you at a time when you must be already struggling with strong and uncontrollable feelins over who is going to win the compertitiun.
We are offerin ye a course of therapeutic sessions with one o Madam Fifi's best trained girrls. She has the right half of a Diploma and many hours "experience" and we believe is best suited to the kind of addiction (ter winning) that would be uer main presentin sypmtom. Er name be Annatta Lotts-Freud an she had a right weirdo for a Dad so she shuld be jest roight fer yer.
This considerate concession by us will be made instantly available to yer on receipt of 1,056 dubloons in use gold and the will be a surprise bonus.
The bonus be that yer will not ear anythin abowt the Big Brenda photgraph agin. As yoo can imagin this kind o protectiun has its price and we dont want ter understimate the werk and risk involved in scaring off the pursons or purson oo be round yer neck so ter speek.
Judge Tao and Judge Griffin
Founder Members of The Society for Badly Judged Protection Rackets
SBJPR
Registered Office
3890 Pall Mall
London
W1
Tel. 0207 666 7666
email agro@SBJPR.org
website www.bashem.SBJPR.org/bashem/index.html
Complaints www.bashem.SBJPR.org/Scumsoft/Scomsoft/index.htm
Please context us urgently.
Addendum. Ye may be intersted in owr sisster comnmapy in Nigeria oo wuld lend ye anyfin you might suddenly find ye be needin. Their email is pfishinbefun@toadpfish.scroungealot.dgy - I loike their name cose it reminds me of camelot.
yer may notis Scumsoft on the bashem site has no "l" after the final "htm". This indicates it has passed the Scumsoft Best Web Standards certication. Scumsoft be tryin ard ter get basham to get certificated. Until they do thay can get away with murder and may not work to best practice standards. Hence they are not permitted ter drop the final "l" - for Learner - off html.
Scumsoft are to launch an L for Learner campaign early next year.
The current meaninglessnes,confusion, randomness, and wilful tendency to apply the final "l" or not on the basis of whim without knowledge usage causes upwards of a million phone calls a day from distressed people.
Thank you for your time. We are sure it will BE rewarded.
Quote from: Sibling Chatty on April 22, 2007, 06:40:37 AM
Quote from: Black Bart on February 22, 2007, 01:49:04 PM
Weakened by Scurvy and endless games of 'Simon', a desperate member of The Black Spot's crew tries to get a job at Scumsoft!
(http://homepage.mac.com/antonyroberts/.Pictures/More%20daft%20images/Spot's_crew.jpg)
Mr. B. Bart,
Madam Fifi wonts ter know wher ye got the foto of her former husbin. If yer kin pruve he's werkin' she 'as a matter of child support fer the 11 children wot she's raisin'. Nae one o' them resembuls the gent in the pickshur, bu' she sez th' judge b'leevs 'er and 'as awardid her support.
Also, th' new girl at Fifi's sez "Oi!! Wot's me ol' Da doin'? He can't code HTML werth beans!!"
However, fer artystick merit she gave you a 10, as it's a perfect loikness of 'im on 'is best day.
Tis an easy mistake ta make. I fears I ave to disapoint the young wench and tell her tis a case o mistaken identity. The dark sunken eyes, the hollow cheeks, the look of a haunted tortured soul. I be afraid that ALL of The Black Spot's crew end up lookin the same.
Imagine the feeling of hope that lifted this man's spirit as he saw Spot being left fer dead in an Open Boat in the middle of some godfersaken ocean...poor bastid, the hope was dashed at the end of a Cat o Nine tails when Spot was reunited with his crew, his shear hell bent determination and lust fer revenge keepin im alive against all the odds.
No...let the wench hope her daddy never sets foot on the same ship as The Black Spot.
QuoteMiss Louisabelle Renae, third door to th' right 2nd floor at Mme. Fifi's was very enchanted by this 'ere entry. she sed it remoinded 'er of th' toime she werkd as a chef's assistant at th' Admiral Benbow, but not enuf smoke. 'Owever, the compysitsun ov the pease was "balanced and drew the eye to the inevitable stunned onlooker." Whutevvur that means.
YArrr...It was life and death takin' that photo. Any close to Big Ron and Oi would've needed a flameproof boiler suit.
YArrr, there be nuffin less smoky than a blue flame.
Message 1. Dispatched by Jeff 24/4/1707
From: The Captain
To: The Gun Deck
Chief,
I needs ye to load these 'ere coordinates inter yer guns
QuoteJudge Tao and Judge Griffin
Founder Members of The Society for Badly Judged Protection Rackets
SBJPR
Registered Office
3890 Pall Mall
London
W1
I be in a bit o' a scrape 'ere, an 'ave to do a bit o' sweet talkin' to get meself out o' it. If ye don't hear from me in the next couple o' hours, let the blaggards have it.
------------------------------
Message 2: Destroyed. Eaten by Bilge rat
------------------------------
To: Communications Officer
From: The Captain
Jeff,
'ere be a letter I wants you to send to Judges Tao an Griffin. It be nice an' flowery, and should see me right. Fer gawds sake, don't let 'em see the one to the gun deck. Ye'd best destroy it.
TBS
-----------------------------
From: Communications Officer
To: The Captain
Cap'n,
messij 3 sent as ye reekwestid.
Jefff
--------------------------
To: Judge Tao
From: Judge Griffin
Cc: Judge Chatty
Dearest Sib/Cap'n/Judgey Personage
This odd communique just turned up. Wot shall us do abowt it?
------------------------------
To: Communications Officer
From: The Captain
Jeff,
'ere be a letter I wants you to send to Judges Tao an Griffin. It be nice an' flowery, and should see me right. Fer gawds sake, don't let 'em see the one to the gun deck. Ye'd best destroy it.
TBS
-----------------------------
YYYAARRRRGH...Just had to carry 6 bottles o Holy Grail Ale home on me bike...how i didn't end up in the river I'll never know. One o em exploded in me kitchen...my god the Fishe Heade Stewe will taste good tonight!
(this is a true story).
(apart from the stew...I had toast!).
Quote from: Black Bart
...how i didn't end up in the river I'll never know. One o em exploded in me kitchen...
Bah! Ee survived the booby trapped bottle! Another one o' me cunnin' plans comes to naught.
Gennelmen, an' Oi use that term in th' loosest possybil sence, th' judging has enddid.
The annownsments an' awardin' of prizes will be made as smoothly as we kin do, seein' as how we're sustainin' some dammagis from continyouiss bombardmint.
Th' judgin' team wood loik to rekwest a cessation in the pelting of the hedkwarters wif bilge rats wif notes in their moufs as a means of communikashun. Th' rats chew th' notes up somefin' owrful an' it na reedabil.
So, wif no ferther adoo (adoo is expensive and, quite honestly, the bribes in this instance have been below par) the Winnerz are:
First Place,...Black Bart for Pirates of Portsmoutha foine leather eyepatch
Second Place...Aggie for Cor, Wot's That?, the video of Pirate Documentaries from the Golden Days of Film Piracy
Third Place...DaveL for Portsmouth Public School Deluxe Pirate Kit, wif comapass, manacles, patch an' cutlass
Fourth Place is a three way tie, all Black Spot's Arrr entries (Skeletons and both ships, the Game one and the Away from the Galley one) Deluxe Pirate Kit, Skull Bandana, and a convenient Pirate Tote bag for carryin' spare eyepatches, parrot feed an th' odds an' ends ye need abowt but don't want ter carry in yer pockets. (NOT loike a lady's purse at all.)
Then...DaveL's Wind Band Skull Bandana
Next...Bart's Big Ron Skull Bandana
Next...Spot's Police PhotoSpecial Pirate Disguise Kit, with Beard, mustache, an extra fancy Hook and a Eyepatch so's he can disguise himself when Brenda's around.
Finally...Bart's Scumsoft Skull Bandana
All Winners are asked to send mailin' information by Secret Message to Judge Chatty, who promises to NOT deevulge to yer enemies th' addresses of yer hideowts, really. Honestly. Not evenn wif a cutlass at her neck. NEVVER!!
Honorariums fer the Non-Release of Information Lock-up Box at th' Diskreet Box Rental Site at th' World Piratical Bank in Switzerland should be sent to Chatty's Mum c/o Old Biddy's Rest Home, Number 81 Far Winding Lane, Portsmouth. (Be warned, the Old Biddy's staff knows, an' is willin' to perteckt my an' their own interests, as Mum can be MUCH more obnoxious if Oi tells 'er to.)
Hartyest Congratyoulayshins to ALL The Winners!!
GARRRRRGHHH!
The competition be fixed I tells ye!
I had me crew phonin' their votes in 24 hours a day, I bribed the judges, threatened others wi' violence, bought off all the other officials, an I STILL lost.
What be the world comin' to?
Wait til ye see the prizes. Ye'll be glad ye lost :mrgreen:
Quote from: The Black Spot on April 30, 2007, 12:10:31 AM
GARRRRRGHHH!
The competition be fixed I tells ye!
I had me crew phonin' their votes in 24 hours a day, I bribed the judges, threatened others wi' violence, bought off all the other officials, an I STILL lost.
What be the world comin' to?
Ye got BOTH kits' a bandana AND the
lovely quite nice Tote Bag. If yer'd won the movie, yer'd havter go to Aggie's ter watch it ennyways, as it be in th' wrong 'area' or 'district' or whatevver...an' same for DaveL!! Th' film be the US/Canadian player only!
YArrrr...
Many congrats to youse all. Youse are lucky to get a weekly bowl gruel wif maggots in it, let alone Chatty's top quality merchan, regal pirety stuff. So quit yer whijun.
But to put a 'sports platitude' on it all, the real winner here today is Piracy...YArrr, sorry but Oi've heard Aussie sportsmen say that it make me want to 'vom'. YAr!
Fank you to awl entrants and a hardy congratulations to our foin winner's circle. You are one gamey crew!
YO HO!
The shippin, department is searching for the proper size treasure chests for all the paraphernalia to be sent, and be hopin' to have it ready to go by Thursday, which, in an amazing co-inky-dink, is the day the Eagle flies!
The ferocious guard dog that has been pertecktin' the goods durin' the judgin' has agreed to allow the shippers to pack things up, providin' he be rewarded wif Liv-A-Snaps. Addresses are bein' gathered, and photos will be hexpected!!
The purported phone-in lines have been traced to an entity known only as Bart Enterprizes, LLP, a subsidiary of the Bart-n-Dave Brokerage House!!
Gennelmen, be sure yer will is up ter date afore commencin' hostilities, as the judgin' crew will assume no liabilities for enny misdeliveries due to sudden lack of head or guts on the part of the winners. (Winners without heads agree to pass on beards and moustaches won, as they don't photograph well if not on an actual head.)
AAAARRRGH...Shiver me worm infested timbers...it's been such an excitin couple o weeks me peg leg's fell off an oiv suffered a mild art attack. Wot wiv carryin me Holy Grail ome and recoverin from the rigors of yon Quest. I be laid up in me cabin bein attendid to by the goode ship's sawbones...he be whisperin summat in me ear...AAARRGH, twere not an Art Attack, twere a Fart Attack, that's why I be confined to me cabin! ;D
YYYYAAARRRR, Thanks fer me eye patch...it be so lovely it brought a tear to me good eye...temporarily blindin me so's I fell off the poop deck and snapped me peg leg...I don't suppose ye's got any spare legs goin? ;D
Quote from: Black Bart
YYYYAAARRRR, Thanks fer me eye patch...it be so lovely it brought a tear to me good eye...temporarily blindin me so's I fell off the poop deck and snapped me peg leg...
Don't be givin' me that old flannel. I saw ye last night remember. The reason ye fell over were all the pints o' ESB ye were necking.
Ye were supposed to put the eye patch on yer bad eye. How many ales did yer have last night.