Simple Jokes Thread

[Roland Deschain]

Lmao, Griffin. I've heard that "racist" joke before, but under a slightly different telling. Jokes like this really do illustrate the idiocy involved with racism.

I wouldn't put it past you, David.

Here are a few silly ones for you:-

What's red and invisible? No tomatoes.

Have you heard about the three-star restaurant on the Champs-Élysées that makes omelets with only one egg? Apparently in Paris, one egg is un oeuf.

A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre, so he gave her one.

Two Betazoids walk into a bar. One says "I'll have the same."

So this neutron walks into a bar, orders a pint of lager and begins to open his wallet when the barman says, "For you, no charge!".

A man gets into a fight with Batman, who hits him with a vase and goes "T'PAU!"

"Don't you mean 'KAPOW!'?" asks the man

"No", says Batman, "I've got china in my hands"

English Teacher: In English," she said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah . . .right."

[Griffin NoName]

Dyslexic man walks into a bra.

[Roland Deschain]

Dyslexic man walks into a bra.

[Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith]

Dyslexic man walks into a bra.

The atheist, dyslexic flea exclaims: "there is no dog!"

[Sibling DavidH]

The Dead Horse Theory

The tribal wisdom of the Plains Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that
"When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount."
However, in government more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:

1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
4. Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride dead horses.
5. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.
6. Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired.
7. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
8. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.
9. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase the dead horse's performance.
10. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance.
11. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses.
12. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.

And, of course...

13. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position

Taken from one of those circular e-mails.

[Griffin NoName]

So accurate.

[Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith]

I notice there was no prohibition for beating the dead horse.

I'd think there would be-- animal rights activists being what they are an all...

[Griffin NoName]

Posted by MB on FB today:

And God promised men that
good and obedient wives would
be found in all corners of the world.
Then he made the earth round...........
and laughed and laughed and laughed

[pieces o nine]

^   

[Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith]

... and men have been foolishly seeking the world's mythical corners ever since.  No one told them it was just a myth, you see.

[Swatopluk]

I thought some men had the world all cornered.

[Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith]

In their pointy-haired (what passes for) heads only...

[Roland Deschain]

Me saw that one too. It appeals to my sense of humour.

[Griffin NoName]

Grammar is Important

[Griffin NoName]

So, there's an Englishman, a Frenchman and a Jew sitting on a bench. The Englishman says, "I'm tired and thristy. I think I could do with a beer". The Frenchman says, "I'm tired and thirsty too. I think I need some wine." The Jew says "I'm tired and thirsty. I think I have Diabetes".