The unlikely headline game

[Swatopluk]

Internet bandwith problem finally solved

You know that problem: you need that data NOW but the net works at a snail pace again. Why?
It's your neighbours (and kids and spouse) looking at cat pictures/videos and downloading adult material.
By now 98% of all traffic consists of just these two.
Now at last we have a solution: Pussynet
Any new net plug-in will be required to have two exits, I for regular internet access and P for cat and c-word related stuff.
Given that Moore's law still applies this would give the normal net about a decade before the existing capacity has to be expanded again.
Critics fear that the necessary new P lines will be paid from tax revenue but the adult industry that has called for this solution for years
denies that this will be necessary. Free P sites, constantly threatened with copyright violation suits, have agreed to a micro-fee to be paid for services
that will for the most part be used for the necessary infrastructure. This should cover about 70%. The rest will be easily paid by users fined for abusing the I net
by sending P material after the division.

[Aphos]

Trump Wins Presidential Election

Heads exploded across the nation today as the final election results came in...

[Swatopluk]

Your car has just been crushed by hagfish

http://www.southernfriedscience.com/your-car-has-just-been-crushed-by-hagfish-frequently-asked-questions/

(All you never wanted to know about hagfish)

[Griffin]

I'd be concerned if my car had been crushed by a hag or a fish, let alone a hagfish.

[Swatopluk]

Canadian woman, 84, finds long-lost diamond ring wrapped around carrot
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/aug/16/canadian-woman-engagement-ring-carrot

That picture looks moderately obscene ;-)

[Griffin]

Lucky woman.

I lost my engagement ring which was a dementoid garnet (green) stone set in a Victorian gold with diamonds circle. A really beautiful ring. It was made for me. The stone was bought in Hatton Garden and put in the setting which came from elsewhere (I know not).

It disappeared long after my divorce. I found it's box empty in a drawer. I have never known if the children's nanny stole it (there were reasons to think this possible) or it was hidden in newspaper shoved in a shoe and got thrown out with the pair of shoes, because I think I might have hidden it and forgotten when I had a clear out. If the latter, someone will have got a nice surprise. It would be really valuable now, but that's beside the point as I just liked it and still miss it.

[Griffin]

12 camels disqualified from Saudi beauty contest in 'Botox' row

From The Guardian

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/jan/24/saudi-camel-beauty-contest-judges-get--hump-botox-cheats

[Aphos]

<blockquote>
Trump Wins Presidential Election

Heads exploded across the nation today as the final election results came in...
</blockquote>

Well, joke was on me.  A really, Really, REALLY bad joke.

[Griffin]

[Swatopluk]

Spiders blamed after broken siren played creepy nursery rhymes randomly at night to UK townsfolk
https://boingboing.net/2018/09/17/spiders-blamed-after-broken-si.html

[Griffin]

ROFL

[Bluenose]

Captain Bluenose found sober in rum store

[Aphos]

Everything on Internet Found to be True

Including this statement.

[Griffin]

Doctors warn women against putting wasp nests in their vaginas

https://nypost.com/2017/06/01/doctors-warns-women-against-putting-wasp-nests-in-their-vaginas/

[Aphos]

Black Hole Discovered in Trump's Heart

Film at 11.