Ultimate cell phone

[Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith]

I was talking about how inept people can appear, and was reminded of my Ultimately Fool-Proof Cell phone.

I though some of y'all might enjoy my idea:

_______________________

[I was working as a customer service rep in a call center]

... I was working for a cell phone company at the time. And during that time? I had come up with as close to fool-proof a cell as I could imagine, for the plethora of brain-dead fools who called the most frequently:

The phone was basically a hermetically sealed little brick-- something large enough to hold comfortably, but not too large to fit in a pocket or purse. Approximately candy-bar sized. No buttons of any kind, a featureless little thing, perhaps with some pretty patterns or decals, as the customer desired. It would have sensitive enough microphones (also sealed and waterproof) that no matter which end you held it, it could hear you speak. It would have capacitive sensing, so it knew if you were holding it up to your head, rather than in your pocket, and automatically wake itself up from stand-by. From the sealed speaker, a friendly little voice (remotely selectable for tone, language and so on-- this would be setup at the time of purchase, by the sales staff, via a remote control secure website) would ask the "user" what it was they wanted to do? Make a call? And so on. If the phone was ringing/vibrating, it would automatically answer as soon as it detected it was placed next to a head. If that did not happen within a short time, it would inform the caller the user was not available. No complicated voice mail >here<.

Now. To use this thing, all the user had to do, is hold it up to the head, and it automatically detects a nearby head, and completes the incoming call.

Outgoing is even simpler-- if no incoming call is detected, it automatically assumes an outgoing call is to be made-- and connects the user to the automated operator for instructions. The system would remember frequently called persons, and check that list first, then go to the wider 411 options in an attempt to connect to the correct person, asking clarifying questions as needed. This is not all that complex, and software-based "expert" systems with anticipatory decision-trees would handle 90% of the outbound calls. If the system cannot understand or locate the desired person? It connects to an actual, live operator. For a small extra fee, naturally. Some fools would always choose the live operator, which is just fine.

No text messaging. No e-mail. No intertubes. No pictures-- no camera-- none of that.

This thing would strictly be an audio-only, person-to-person verbal communication device. Less complex than a toaster-oven.

Charging? That would happen inductively-- the phone would come with a nice base, that was so-shaped, no matter which way you dropped the little brick into it, it lines up with the charging circuits.

When to charge it? The phone itself would inform the user, by ringing as if an incoming call, and when answered, politely inform the user "My battery is low. Please place me into my charging base." Dropping it into the base would automatically engage the charger. Leaving it in the base would cause no harm, as the smart charger would know when it was finished.

Even 911 calls would be all-but-automatic-- voice-stress analysis circuits would identify extreme stress in the user, and politely ask if there was an emergency, and did they need emergency services? If the phone continued to detect high-stress voice, and that it was being held near a head, it would connect to 911 automatically, informing the 911 of a possible medical emergency, and giving the GPS information automatically.

In short?

A phone as idiot-proof as it would be possible to engineer.

Sure, it'd be a bit higher-priced than typical low-end phones-- but for many? It'd be the only choice.

[Griffin NoName]

This would suit a considerable number of people I know. Mostly elderly, but not exclusively.

[Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith]

There was a time when I would've owned one of these myself.

It's a shame nobody has made one-- I think there'd be a market.   Anyone who wants to stay in touch verbally, but nothing else for example.  And wants a no-nonsense virtually indestructible device they needen't treat like it was made of glass....

... because it, in fact, is made of glass...

... such as all modern devices.

[Griffin NoName]

Incidentally, but it is still on topic, I find typing on my iTouch very hit and miss. My fingers are too fat for the virtual keyboard. It wastes a lot of time backspaceing to correct letters. And I don't yet have arthritis in my fingers.