Gained in Translation

[Pachyderm]

Alas, I have no camels to offer. Would Belgium be acceptable?

[Sibling Chatty]

Does the Belgium come with chocolate?

[Pachyderm]

The Belgium always comes with chocolate, Madame. It is the small statue of the urinating child and the fields of brassicas that are optional.

[Sibling Chatty]

Oi, then we'll take the statue, but not th' brassicas. (They gives one the wind, you know...)

[Pachyderm]

Certainly, Madame. Would like the Belgium gift-wrapped? We have an expert wrapper on staff, and he is a virtuoso in the field of ribbons and bows.

[Opsa]

I tried to have the camel gift-wrapped, but he spat all over me. Otherwise he is a camel of the highest quality, I assure you madam.

[Sibling Chatty]

Wrap the Belgium, it's a gift.

Do yer think the camel would fit into the back of me Mini, or shall I get a lorry?

[The Meromorph]

Dear sir or madam,
On behalf of the Organization for the Health and Safety of Camels, I would like to strongly counsel you not to 'get a lorry' if you have any intention of trying to use it to transport a camel.
It is not generally known to the non-lorry owning public that camels have, in point of fact, frequently evinced a degree of antipathy toward even the mention of the word 'lorry', let alone the attempt to persuade them to mount one, that can best be described as 'throwing a wobbler'.
My personal research leads me to suspect that they are, in point of fact, confused by their previous use of the word 'lorry' as a term of endearment, as it were, for their beloved former colleague Lawrence of Arabia, and they don't like to be reminded of either the fact, or the manner of his subsequent demise...

I strongly suggest you use your Mini, provided of course that it is a convertible. Otherwise a long piece of strong twine is your bet bet.

Thanking you for your consideration, I remain,

Bertram Bentwhistle, chief deputy adminstrator of the Organization's Help Desk.

[Opsa]

My camel's name is Laurie and she will be happy to give you a lift home. If you respond with a slice of crunchy pound cake by midnight tonight, I will even throw in the howdah.

Oh, Mister Bertram, do not please blow the whistle on my humble camel stand.

[The Meromorph]

Dear sir or madam,
I can only respectfully conclude that your esteemed camel is either of the Bactrian persuasion (does she have two humps?) and would not therfore be concerned about any issues with Lawrence of Arabia; or that your esteemed camel is, in point of fact, profoundly deaf. If I may make a little joke, I would surmise she might not, in that case, actually mind my blowing a whistle on her, as she could not hear it, if you take my meaning.

In hopes of my little joke having caused no offence, I remain,

Bertram Bentwhistle, chief deputy adminstrator of the Organization's Help Desk.

[Griffin NoName]

Dear Sirs/Madams

Cease! Immediately!

(Do not take this personally; other threads are being warned too.)

Mrs S Black-Bungalow
Association of Ban Fun with Facts

[Opsa]

Okay, to get back on topic-

I just put "Hey Mister, can we have our ball back?" into Babelfish from English to German and got:
"He Herr! Können wir unsere Kugelrückseite haben?"
which translated back to English like this:
"Hey more mister! CAN incoming goods have our ball bake?"

[Griffin NoName]

** Mrs S Black-Bungalow glows with success **

[Pachyderm]

We, the undersigned, represent the Ban Mrs Black-Bungalow Society and wish to have Fun with Facts fully exonerated, and a public apology made.

For those of our members who speak or write no English, here is the above sentence in Portuguese:

Nós, o undersigned, representamos a Sra. Preto-Black-Bungalow Sociedade e desejo da proibição para ter o divertimento com os fatos exonerated inteiramente, e um apology público feito.

[pieces o nine]

Okay, to get back on topic-

I just put "Hey Mister, can we have our ball back?" into Babelfish from English to German and got:
"He Herr! Können wir unsere Kugelrückseite haben?"
which translated back to English like this:
"Hey more mister! CAN incoming goods have our ball bake?"

I find Babelfish is quite entertaining if you alternate sequential translations between Germanic and Romance languages:

"XI PG of us part of ball us you have ayto'wn this can"